It's Time.

I don't know if it has been writer's block, or how crazy life has been, or lack of readership, but I haven't blogged in forever. Most of you who have read my blog know, I'm pretty random with subject matter and consistency. So this time I'm not making any promises. I find that when I do, I feel pressure. When it comes to writing I don't do well under pressure. Probably because I like writing and sharing, pressure takes the fun out of it. One of my close friends said to me sometimes you just need to write what is going on in your head, it is a way to solidify your ideas and make them more real. It is like I'm telling the world and confirming to myself how I feel and what I believe about things. Being myself.

So June 4th, was the last time I wrote. At that time, I had begun a study on the fruits of the Holy Spirit inspired by what my children were learning in their Children's Ministry at church. I'll strive to continue that study because I believe it is important to finish and I was inspired after all.

Tonight, however, I'm going to fill everyone in on my life the last four months. I'm going to hit just a couple things because after 4 months my mind has so many thoughts and ideas built up, I can't possibly do all of it justice in one night.

At the beginning of this year, technically on December 31st, I lost my job. I had worked for the company for 7 years even to the point where I was commuting 45 minutes to get there after we had moved farther away. I had grown to love the people and love the work. Although things at the job were not perfect, I was truly hurt when I lost the job. Now to keep from sounding unprofessional, please understand that I know that it wasn't personal, but after all that time and the camaraderie I had developed with my coworkers, it was very sad for me. I get attached to things I care about, its probably why I hold on so tightly. (I just admitted I can be clingy...eek)

The next 6 months were both wonderful and difficult all at the same time. For the first time since I turned 16, the first time since I had children I was not working (excluding maternity leave of course). The change in family life was unbelievable. I had so much time with everyone, I didn't have to request days off, or worry about not being able to do certain things. I could have girls nights with my friends and I could have date nights with my husband. I could literally drop everything and go with no worry about a job. It was great being able to just be with my kids, at times it was really trying because work to a certain degree was a break from home. After the initial adjustment there was a huge part of me that didn't want to go back to work.

Then the bills came, reality hit me pretty hard. As much as I loved being home, it didn't take long for us to realize that unemployment wasn't going to cut it and a difficult tenant situation was costing us more then it was supporting us. It is crazy how in this day and age being a stay at home mom is a difficult thing to do. Not to say that it is bad or beneath me or anything like that. In a financial sense, it has become almost unrealistic, unless your husband makes a lot of money. Now I do understand that good budgeting and cutting coupons etc can help to keep costs down, but let's be honest, when you have 3 or more children who has time for that? (Okay this is me talking from a purely bad time management standpoint). Also as homeowners, car payment holders, and still trying to get out of debt, tax payers the needs are there. In a perfect world I'm sure these things would not exist but in mine, they do.

So here I was looking for jobs. I went to restaurants all over looking for a job that I was qualified for and nothing came of it. Never had I been able to sympathize with the unemployed but now I totally got it.  It was so difficult to get a job. Then came the point when it all changed. I simply prayed, Lord I need a job or else. It wasn't like a challenge to God to prove Himself. It was a desperate plea saying Lord you know what's up, so can you do something? So often I'm afraid to pray like that. I assume God already knows and why should I remind Him. Yet, at that point there was a true desperate plea.  Similar to how the Israelites were when they were crying out for a saviour. God you have to do something. I know He already knows that but it was a point when I had to say I need a breakthrough. Nothing is happening, I can't make anything happen. Only You can. 

So I picked myself up and kept looking. I kept putting the resumes in. Then there was a breakthrough. A new restaurant was opening and I was basically at a place where I had nothing else to lose. I applied and literally 2 hours after I sent the email I got a call from the manager. It was about a month of nail-biting and waiting but when I finally got the call that I had the job I literally jumped up and down like a little girl. It wasn't about being validated or needing a job to feel worth something. It wasn't about getting away from my kids. It was ultimately about the provision of God and His timeliness. It was about lessons learned over 6 months and a season to appreciate all that I had. It was a time to realize that He truly gives and takes away.

Over those six months, after every rejection and every job that fell through, people would say "There is something better down the road." I have to be honest, that got super annoying after a while. Mainly because it was really hard for me to believe. Now that I've been at my new job for two months I realize that all of those people were right. They were right because God always promotes to better. It might not always seem better in the moment but it is. I had barely any income for 6 months and I had to go through that trial to realize that when God's timing is right, that He certainly does elevate us.

Anyway this is me returning to writing. Its time to be myself and let walls down. To share my life and not clam up when it gets hard. Please read and be encouraged. Even if you don't want to that's okay. I'm going to be here in one way or another.