Taking a break with a story

I have experienced bloggers block for the last week and so I was determined to write today. I started and got about three paragraphs in and then realized that I didn't really want to keep writing about that subject matter. So instead, I decided that I'm going to tell everyone a story. 

This happened today.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Monday's are not usually my day. I'm tired from a busy weekend and I just wanted to stay under the covers. Unfortunately, Monday is the beginning of the week and not the end so I had to get up, get the kids ready, and take them to school. No sleeping in for me. Today was even more insane then usual. We had the furnace repair man coming at 9 and I had to take my 5 year old to the doctor for his yearly checkup. I had to not only get the kids ready but I had to wake my husband up on his day off. Just so that we would have everything somewhat in order for the furnace guy. All in 45 minutes. So I was out the door by 830 and annoyed. 

It is 37 degrees out, and the van feels like an ice box. I'm brooding. Wishing for my cozy bed and some peace and quiet. I drop Caleb (my oldest) off at school and then go home and pick up Riley (the middle) to take him to the doctor. His office is about 20 minutes away but the drive feels like forever. Riley every so often whimpers about getting his shots today. I reach back and tell him to give me his hand. I pinch him (don't judge me) and he yelps. I say "did that hurt?",he nods,  he was more surprised then hurt. "That's what it will feel like." The rest of the ride he practices pinching himself to prepare for the visit. 

Riley is my joker. He is silly, smart, he sings all the time, and he is just a goofball. I love him. He's flesh of my flesh for sure. So we get to the office. We only have to wait in the office for about 10 minutes (surprising since waiting at the doctor's office can take forever). For some reason, after Dr Mike comes in and takes all the measurements and checks everything, it takes a while for the nurses to come and implement the shots. At this point I'm looking at my watch, because I told the school I would have Riley back by eleven and it is already 10:45. More annoyed. Riley is still pinching himself. "Why are they taking so long?" He says to me. Finally, they come in, Two nurses. Each one has a shot. They tell me to hold Ry's arms down. He has his silly grin and honestly doesn't look scared at all. 1 2 3...it was done. "Ow" Riley exclaimed. Then, the nurses gave him stickers, and a pencil. Riley looked at me like That was it? I chuckled. He was really excited about the prizes. 

On the way out of the doctor's office, as I was going to check out, Riley saw the nurses that had given him the shots. "Thanks for the shots!" He says cheerfully with a huge smile on his face. Oh my Gosh! Only my son would thank the nurse for giving him a shot. The secretary at the front desk's mouth dropped open. "That's a first." She said. I was loosing it. My wonderful, funny, brave son had thanked them for the shots. 

All of a sudden the day was better. The cold wasn't as annoying, the furnace repair wasn't as daunting, the weariness wasn't as heavy. For a moment, laughter was the best medicine. 

Recent Romantic Notions

There are so many rant worthy subjects in my head right now. I don't know which one to settle on so I'll take a break from the rant of the week to share a recent revelation I've had. Its about romance. Its about the butterflies that you get and that seem to go away.

Okay so here's how it goes. You look into his eyes and BANG! He's the one. All you want to do is be with him. He makes your knees go weak and your heart beat really loud. Nothing can top the feelings and emotions of those first couple weeks, months, or even years! Then you get married, you have kids, you both get jobs, or your a state at home mom. All those feelings start to drown in the pool of life. The struggles of the day to day make it easy to see his faults. Going to bed becomes going to bed. Life settles into a rhythm, expectations go unfulfilled, and the first years are forgotten.

I'm not going to pretend like there is an easy way to escape this funk. I do believe there are small steps that keep romance and love alive. However, I'm not a self-help blog and I'm all about just coming to you from where I'm at. So I'll tell you what has helped me to overcome this funk that often happens in my own marriage. 

I realized, as I was thinking about this recently, that the expectations on love, romance, and feelings are unrealistic. Now this isn't something that comes as a complete surprise. I personally just want to keep my expectations because I love romance and romantic stuff. Let's get real though, when you first met that special someone, how stressful was your life? Everyone comes from different backgrounds and I know all circumstances are different, but one things is for sure that it was definitely a place where it was easy to fall in love. 

For me it was college. I didn't have to worry about finances, other than putting gas in my car and paying for my monthly college bill. At the time it didn't cost an arm and a leg. I could spend as much time as I wanted with Bill and I didn't have to give my time to anything else. The perfect set up for falling in love. Close proximity, away from the parents, and barely any responsibility. So I started thinking, I can never go back to that time in my life. My husband and I have experienced so much since then, our ministry, our children, our financial responsibilities and all the stress that comes with it.  Romance didn't die because of all these things...the circumstances just changed.

The other night, the kids were in bed, I was shuffling around the house, straightening up, I was about to take some dirty clothes or something upstairs, when I saw it. That look. The same one he has always had for me. Bill was gazing at me. His eyes full of love and admiration. I was stunned. How could I forget how it felt to be passionately loved and adored. How could I allow life and circumstances to cloud my vision? The romance never left, my perspective changed, and not for the better. I was in many ways convicted. I realized that I had allowed a false view of romance and expectations to give me amnesia. I couldn't remember how it felt because I wasn't paying attention. Love grows with time, contrary to popular belief. The only party that is guilty of allowing it to fade is the one who refuses to see it. The one who depends on a feeling or the past.

After 11 years of marriage, many ups and downs, many trials and joys. I am still in love. I'm still a romantic. It has not been lost in the hum drum of life but rather been enhanced by the life we share. Don't allow the lies of this present world to cloud your vision. Allow your eyes to be opened to what is real now.

Proverbs 5:18

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Rant of the week: Okay so maybe I'll talk about politics...just a little bit

This week I have been thinking a lot about what's been going on in our country.  Last week, I wrote about the shut down and how fretting over it caused me to realize it wasn't worth ranting about. This week, is similar. Yes I am talking about the political situation, sort of, but more than that I'm talking about how we the people seem to be reacting.

The problem I'm seeing is the public reaction. Some people care a lot. They are raising money for people who are not working right now because of the shutdown. They are calling their representatives. They are doing research and becoming informed. May I just venture to say that a majority don't really care. They care more about their own lives and their own situations. They fail to see the impact that all of this is really having on them  whether directly or indirectly. The reality is, that now or later all that is happening in our country politically is eventually going to effect everyone. People can turn a blind eye, or keep their mouths shut, but the truth is our problems are not just going to go away because we are looking away. 

If we the people would take notice. If we the people would talk to our politicians. If we the people would open blind eyes we would be able to see that everything is not okay. Veterans being forced away from a memorial that technically doesn't need to be shut down is not okay. Families not getting death benefits from the loss of their soldiers, is not okay. 

If we take a moment to get out of our own little world, and look at the whole world, we would realize things have to change. I'm not saying I have the answers because God knows I don't, usually I realize prayer is the only answer in moments like this. We need to be aware of what is happening around us. There was a time when politicians and people cared more for the common good then just their own good. When did this change? Its scary to think that a country that was founded on the selfless acts of so many is slowly declining because of the selfish acts of a few.

As much as this is a rant I would also challenge you to pray for our nation. A lot of times its hard to pray for our leaders if we don't agree with what they are doing, but we must pray for them. If we want things to change we must pray. If we humble ourselves and pray. If we change our selfish ways. If we stop doing it our way and try God's way. He will hear us, He will forgive us, and He will heal us. There is always hope when we put it in His hands. God bless and good night. 

From my heart...

It kind of stinks when you realize that your the annoying person who always thinks you have to say something when someone is going through something difficult. Yeah, I realized this week I'm that person. I just took a step back and observed myself and realized that when I don't have an answer,  I think talking is the only way to help the situation. Why do I do that? Its frustrating. Its a learning experience. It's realizing that sometimes there are just no words. You look up to the heavens above you and shut up. 

Wisdom, is something that doesn't come easy for me, but it seems that when I ask for more of it, God is willing to help me grow. Learning to shut my mouth has always been a difficult thing for me. I've had to jam a sneaker in there more times than I can count. I think I have probably unknowingly said something stupid or hurtful to every one of my friends one time or another. This is getting real right now. Before this turns into a pity party, because wow for a moment there I was getting a little down, I have to thank God that He doesn't love me less for saying stupid things. He doesn't love me less because I don't always think first and speak second. This is not to say that its okay to do that, its just a relief to know that I'm on the potter's wheel. 

So what's the point of this blog entry tonight. Well, I really felt like writing, doing some self-introspection, and grabbing a hold of hope. Hope that even though I can be hard headed, Jesus Christ can break through that stone. That even when I open my mouth and foolishness flows out, that He has so much grace for me. Grace to carry me to a transformation. I can lift my hands and praise Him because I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago and I won't be the same 10 years from now. 

Life is excruciating and wonderful all at the same time when you serve and belief in God. Today I was talking to a friend about disciplining our children. It struck us both in that conversation that God disciplines those He loves, which is what the Bible says. We don't usually believe that, we get scared and think God is out to get us. The reality is, when we recognize the discipline for what it is, a chance to draw us to Him. A chance to become who we were meant to be. A chance to surrender. We are changed. The lack of wisdom I once had becomes a wealth of it. The moments I would open my mouth in foolishness become moments where I hold my tongue. The times I get defensive out of insecurity become a chance to find security in God alone. 

This is all about recognizing the glory to glory that the Bible talks about. How far I've come and by grace how far I have to go. My heart is full of joy and is overwhelmed with the amazing life I have been given. At times a roller coaster, but mostly just an amazing adventure. Thank you Precious Lord for giving this to me.

Rant of the Week: Shut down and shut up

So this is a rant that has been brewing all day. In light of the government shutdown, I have been really upset. Upset that the government can't function the way it is supposed to. Upset that people just don't seem to care about people anymore. At least twice, I have logged onto Facebook, ready to spew my frustration about the current national issues.  Both times I just erased what I was going to write. I realized that it just wasn't worth my time or energy to throw myself on the ground like a little girl and throw a tantrum.

Yes, its frustrating when the world doesn't seem to be functioning like it is supposed to. Technically it has never gone the way its supposed to. Somehow, we still expect never to face trials or struggles or shutdowns. Life isn't fair. That is what my mom used to say when things didn't go our way and we were throwing fits. I say the same thing to my own children when their inborn since of justice rears its naive little head and tries to understand the circumstances they are in.

So hear I am doing the exact same thing. Life isn't fair because people are not fair, and lets be honest the law isn't always fair and America isn't always fair. So here is the part where yes I must fall onto the arms of grace because God is fair.

He is always good. He will always love me. He will always take care of me. Even if I have nothing left, He will still be their. I am watching it all around me. I have watched people go through death, loss, sickness, and abuse. I have watched people marry, have children, live successfully, and be extremely happy. In all of this one thing remains. He is good.

So even as we as a people face a shutdown. Even as we face unfairness, injustice, and confusion, we must muster faith. There must be a sense that no matter what people do, God is still good. This last month I read through Ecclesiastes and this passage really reflects my feelings on all of this.

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

   a time to plant and a time to uproot,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

    a time to keep and a time to throw away, 

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,    

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Remember, no matter what, God is good, and He knows what comes next. There is a time for shutdowns and there is a time to just shut up.