Family heritage part 1

So, I have been mulling over what I'm going to bring to the blog about family. I had an entire three paragraphs written and then second guessed it and erased it. However, family has been on my mind and so as a testimony to God's grace and faithfulness, I want to share about my upbringing in this first part. I will share about my husband's in the next blog. 

The holiday get together's brought all of these ideas to mind. We see family more and reconnect. We are also able to appreciate our backgrounds and all that it means for who we have become. I have just observed the many aspects of my childhood that have made me who I am today. 

I have been called a Pentecostal princess, which makes me laugh out loud, I'm like church royalty. Both of my grandfathers were preachers and my parents also went into the ministry. My grandmothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, all for the most part grew up in the church. Even when I went to Bible school, all the teachers knew who I was because of my heritage and my grandparents. Growing up in a Christian home was amazing. I grew up learning about the love of God, and was fortunate to have parents who truly loved Him. My parents were very real with us. They didn't act one way when we were at church and one way at home. These expectations made for an environment that helped me to be myself. 

Now just to be clear, not all parents or upbringings are perfect. There were pros and cons to how I was brought up. The pros were the open relationship with my parents, and their unconditional love for us. The great relationships I developed with my brothers. Being brought up in a morally secure environment that taught me how to live healthy and wisely. Unfortunately, there are certain things that cannot be taught, they must be learned (especially since I'm pretty stubborn and hardheaded). Growing up in a strict christian environment and my desire to do what was right often shielded me from the reality that I wasn't a good person. We all have a tendency to do what we want, be rebellious, and test the waters. I wasn't really that kid. I wanted to please my parents, I wanted to please God, and I wanted to be right all the time. These aspects of my personality are not bad things, but I developed a sense that I was a good person and better than others.

 As I got older, moved out of the house and went onto to have my own life, career, and family,  I carried these views of myself  with  me. It wasn't until about 5 years ago, when things started getting tough in the everyday of life, that the "real" me came out. I mean the part of me that was no longer shielded by a christian upbringing, the part of me that wanted to rebel, wanted to test the waters. These thoughts and ideas shocked me. I wasn't supposed to think this way, or want to rebel. I was supposed to be a good person. It took me a long time to finally realize that yes I had a great testimony. I had an awesome upbringing, but I needed Jesus just like everyone else.I pretty much would be a wretched mess without Him. I recently mentioned during a worship service at church that I was lost and I didn't even know it. All of a sudden I understood the grace of God, and honestly I'm still learning. Years of thinking highly of yourself is not easily undone, but humility is one of God's greatest tools. 

My family is amazing. My parents are Godly people who have followed Jesus and taught me how. I wouldn't take back my childhood for the world. When the bible says to train up a child in the way they should go, I am a testament to that. I have struggled with my relationship with God. I have had moments of serious doubt and frustration. However, I don't see how I could ever walk away from Him. I have seen to much. I have experienced to much. Don't get me wrong, everyone can walk away. I would even venture to say that at times I have without even realizing it. At times I have been blinded by a religious bubble that keeps me thinking I'm okay. No one can teach you how to have a relationship with God, that is something that you must come to on your own. If there is anything that I have learned from my family life it is this, no matter what my parents did or taught me, my relationship with God is on me. I have to know Him myself. The faith of my mother and father alone cannot save me, the prayers of my Godly grandparents couldn't save me, it is only the grace of God and His love that could do that. It was by His grace that I was born to my parents, and it is by His grace that I can write about my experience. I am excited to share a little about Bill's upbringing next to show some contrast so stay tuned. All in all Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind...He knows the plans he has for us...God bless and good night. 

Coming soon...a Godly Heritage...

Stay tuned, this post is all about Family and how it shapes us. It is going to be a tribute to our families and our separate upbringings. How they shaped us. In light of the holiday's and numerous family get together's this subject matter has been on my mind. :)

Hearts, Husbands, and all things mushy...

"The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam..." "The Princess Bride

I just wanted to start with this hilarious excerpt from the classic movie "The Princess Bride" (Its weird to call it a classic, but it is that old.) I have always been a romantic. I loved romantic novels, romantic movies, romantic shows...if it was mushy, I loved it. My favorite movie as a girl was While You Were Sleeping starring Sandra Bullock and Bill Pullman. I was in love with love. In many ways that carried over into my dating life and my marriage. Romantic expectations that were a little excessive. I even wrote my own romantic story. Honestly, all of the ladies are this way deep down, I think life and hard circumstances force us to bury it deep down. I want to take a moment to plug the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge, it is a great book that explores the heartbeat of womanhood.

With all that said, I love marriage. It is an awesome institution that was set up by God and brings a tremendous amount of security, personal growth, love, and children. Whenever I think about dating and all the work that went into that I just breath a sigh of relief. After 10 years being married to Bill, I can honestly say that it hasn't all been flowers and rainbows. My romantic notions were pretty much brought down a few notches after a couple years. It has been an amazing journey and the best part (and perhaps most romantic part) is learning how to love more. Those first feelings and the romance are just the surface to an amazing adventure if we allow ourselves to dive deeper. Going deeper into our relationships with our spouses brings us past the initial romantic roses and dinner dates and even sex. It helps us to learn to love a person for who they really are. It teaches us to except someone for all that they are, even the stuff we don't like. The best part is, that God knew the right person to help me to do that. Bill is not romantic at all...lol. He is very straightforward. Its not that he doesn't love me or want to make me feel romantic, its just that his idea of that is different then mine is. Time to plug another book, The 5 Love Languages, a great book for understanding the needs of your spouse. What has come from our differences is honest communication about our individual needs. That brings us closer together. We care enough to sit down and discuss the differences, instead of go our own separate ways unfulfilled just living to get by. Marriage should never be about just living with someone else, it was meant to be a fulfilling journey...yeah I like saying journey. 

For all the single ladies. I have observed two types of single ladies over the years in college and then through out my ministry. The first type are the ones that are always dating. Always have to have a man. They are never really single but never really settled. These women are always looking for that perfect guy. Yeah, the perfect guy thing is a lie. There are great guys out there, but not all great guys are perfect guys. I think my husband is awesome, but he is far from perfect. These needy ladies always seem to end up alone and unhappy. I'm pretty much going to throw this out there...lower your expectations. I don't mean go with whatever comes down the path, I'm saying lower YOUR expectations. Guys can't read your minds, and for us women to EXPECT them to is crazy. Let the guy be himself and you be yourself and if that isn't working, it probably isn't ever going to work. The second type of lady I came across is the "I don't need a man" type. Okay so here I go on the bandwagon. I don't believe in the whole idea that you are incomplete if your single and that in order to be complete you need a special someone (Sorry Jerry Maguire).  God created us all to be complete, individual people with dreams, and talents and amazing abilities, but that doesn't mean we shut a guy out because we don't want to "lose ourselves." When God brought Bill into my life, I was kind of on that, I don't need a man track, but then I fell head over heels in love. I struggled with it because I thought I was supposed to be the lone ranger but that wasn't what God had in mind for me. God didn't see me as incomplete, he saw my potential to enhance Bill's life and vice versa. He spoke so clearly to me about us being a team in ministry and how we would work together. God never said I would lose myself or be all submissive and unspoken and subdued. So for all the ladies that don't think they need a man, beware, your heart may truly desire that very thing, don't fight it. :)

So lastly, I just want to share my romance. I went to college completely ready to be single for a year (yeah that was a stupid pledge). So I show up to Zion (that is the school I went to) and I'm in the registration line which was hours long. I was sitting next to this guy named Ken. He was a nice guy and not bad looking (this is my 18 year old college mind going). We talk a little...kind of awkward since i was reeeaaalllly excited to be there and he was an upperclassmen (not so excited). All of a sudden, the doors to the room burst open, and I hear "KEN" from across the room. There he was, Bill Kenna, he had a mischievous flash in his deep green eyes and a huge smile from ear to ear. Yeah, I was smitten. He said hi to me in passing but he was really there to see Ken. Fast forward to a couple days later. I'm in chapel, and I saw my friend Julia from across the room and she was talking to Bill, so I meandered over to "talk" to her. She introduced us officially. The first thing Bill said to me was "Hey, I am probably the most arrogant person you are ever going to meet..." I replied... "I can tell". He laughed out loud. So we were off to an interesting start. I became friends with a kid in my class named Jason, come to find out, he and Bill were childhood best friends, so it wasn't long before we were all hanging out as friends. I have to say the beginning was pretty tumultuous. It was very up and down, as we became friends and got to know each other. There were several things I noticed that really made me fall in love with Bill. First, he was very straightforward, and I liked that. He was real, he didn't have anything to hide, and he was really cute. Second, he was always praying. I'm not saying this second because its less important, more because I learned this about him as we hung out. He was so intense about God, I wanted that same intensity. His prayer and his faith challenged me to step up to another level. It also matched my love and desire for God. I'll never forget the night we actually made our relationship "official". We had gotten really close, had our ups and downs, dated a little but I wasn't ready. So it was months after all my indecisiveness. We were in the library at school studying. We had both been praying about where to go with our relationship, and we started talking about our individual experiences. It became apparent that we were supposed to be together. The first thing we did is pray. We prayed that God would help us to know what His will was and to follow His direction for our lives. That was it. After that we dated for three years and were married after I graduated from college. There were many ups and downs but the reality I hold on to is the truth that God brought us together. We have not always been perfect, but God's ways are. I thank Him for all He has done and the life we have lived together. 

Many couples have a sappy song, I have to say we have a verse. Its 1 Corinthians 13:7,8a "It (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Mawage....it really is amazing and I hope that if you are married you will take time to rediscover your love and passion. If you are not, I encourage you to be all that God wants you to be. I hope you enjoy this post as much as I did writing it. God Bless.

So I have been in the church from the time I was born. I have been in church at least 3 days a week for the entirety of my life. There have been times where I have completely believed in God and there have been times when I have seriously questioned faith and whether He was really there. Prayer in many denominations has become a ritual. Even in our "free-spirited" Pentecostal churches, we have created formula's and ways to pray. Whether you are saying your Hail Mary's or whether you are reciting from a prayer book, or whether you are following the ACTS (Adoration, Confession, Thanksgiving, Supplication) formula, we have all in many ways ritualized prayer. So today I was sitting down before breakfast and I had a lot on my mind. I took a moment, closed my eyes and began to pray. This is what went through my mind. "God I'm sorry for not spending enough time...wait that's to condemning...", start over, "God can you help me to feel better"....wait to needy, to presumptuous....", start over, I took a breath and realized wow I've got a prayer for everything. I have made my own ritual. So then I simply said "God I need you..." then... there was peace. We over think prayer. Its talking to a  person, and we ritualize it because we don't want to get personal with God. Getting personal with God is scary, it comes with our open book of bad and good. We have to be honest. We can't hide behind the prayers we have always prayed. Real prayer, real talking to God requires confession and listening.  Two things that are hard for most people. To prideful to confess and to impatient to listen...that's me anyway. So even now as I'm writing this I have a desire to go get on my knees, because the reality is prayer is not always the same, its not always a ritual, it comes out of a person to person relationship with God. You can go to church and say a couple prayers and sing some songs and get nothing out of it, but if you honestly just go someplace, get alone, and talk to God without presumption or ritual, just honestly before Him, YOU WILL MEET HIM. He will be there. No matter how you feel, no matter what your circumstance, no matter what your need, He will be there. Just go as you are. One of my favorite things about the bible is  not that it has all these perfect stories and perfect anecdotes. It is a book of truth and each of the authors were honest with God. Especially David, in the psalms he got angry, he danced, he cried, he tore his clothes, he was frustrated, he suffered loss, you name it he faced it. My favorite thing about him was that he was honest in prayer with God and because of that...he was a man after God's own heart. Not necessarily because of the stuff he did because he did some bad stuff, but because he was honest with God. When we are in that place with God, he can speak and we can listen and we can change. I have to take ritual out of my prayer life and I hope for those who read this today that you can evaluate your own relationship with God and see the areas that perhaps you have made more about you then about Him. Oh and Happy Thanksgiving!!! I hope everyone had a great day :)

Coming soon...hearts, husband, and all things mushy.

Didn't have time to blog today...but I really want to talk about relationships so stay tuned...i'm looking forward to this one.

After the election...

So I woke up this morning with a myriad of emotions. I felt kind of numb, but my mind was in overdrive. What now? What about finances? With the reelection of our president is my faith going to be under attack? What about my children, what about their future? These are the thoughts and feelings that flooded my mind. It might seem like I'm defaulting to the possibility of negative results, but it's hard not to. The moral compass of our country has changed so much. It reminds me of the story in the bible when Israel asked Samuel for a King (1 Samuel 8). That might not seem like a bad thing, they wanted leadership, they wanted an advocate, someone to help them. However, the word clearly states that the people wanted to be like other nations. Samuel was concerned so he went to the Lord. He asked God what to do. God replied, they are not rejecting you Samuel, they are rejecting me (vs 7). So God told Samuel to give them what they wanted. Samuel was instructed by God to warn the people, to tell them all that a king would demand. The people refused to listen, they wanted to be like other nations and so as God told Samuel, he granted their request. In America, we are given the freedom to vote, to choose our leadership. God was being gracious to the Israelites, although they were rejecting Him as their king, He allowed them to have their own way. God has been gracious to our country. For hundreds of years we have chosen our leadership. At times we have chosen our leadership based on moral values and conviction. At times we have chosen based on selfish desires and personal agendas. In every decision, God has allowed it. The pulse of our country is evident in the voting. Its not that God is not in control, its that He is allowing us to be in control, as He did Israel. Unfortunately, we have not chosen Him. We have not allowed Him to be our king. This goes way beyond President Obama or Governor Romney or any previous president. This comes down to our own hearts. We have turned our backs on God. Yes, our founding fathers were in many ways God-fearing men, their desire was that we have religious freedom, take personal responsibility, be able to fight tyranny, However that heart has been deluded now for years. People find it easier to blame God then to seek God. They find it easier to take God out of the equation them keep Him in it. Unfortunately, the longer our country locks God out, the farther we will stray from where we once were. My husband said something to me this morning that actually gave me a lot of hope. He said "Erica, the gospel has survived the fall of many nations." And although that seems scary and foreboding, it is true. Every empire, no matter what the persecution that has come and no matter the destruction, the Gospel has remained. Why is that, because Jesus Christ is the beginning and the end. No weapon formed against Him shall prosper. No persecution will destroy His message. I am encouraged to stand strong in my faith, not to back down, to seek to live a life of holiness, and to pray for revival in my nation. So today, no matter how you feel about the results of the election, I would encourage you to seek the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. He is the master, He knows all things. He is the Prince of Peace. Make Jesus the King of your heart, in the end that is what stands.

How to deal with the tragedy all around us...

So lately, it seems as if everything on the news is tragic (not really surprising). Tragic deaths of children it seems are at the forefront and when you have kids its even worse. "Why God" tends to flood instantly into my mind. Why that baby or why that little girl. I just don't understand sometimes. It makes me want to hold onto my children and never let them go. There is no sweet anecdote or saying that can answer the why question. No matter how much I think about it no rhyme or reason can make it better. The reality is there is tragedy in life no matter what. That doesn't mean we live in fear of it or even expect it, but I think being surprised by it should wear off and it doesn't. Wishing that all people are good, all people want what's best. Wishing that people really lived by the golden rule. Wishing that people weren't so selfish that killing or hurting was their only option. In our world, acceptance has become such a huge thing, except everyone for who they are...I can't except someone who kills or hurts a child. This is me being completely honest. I told my husband a week ago after reading a story about the needless death of a little girl, "I hope they find whoever did this, and I hope they rot in jail and I hope that even if they find Jesus, they still rot in jail." This is not me being unforgiving, these are honest feelings from the heart of a mother. I honestly didn't even feel bad saying it. Usually I start to feel guilty, like I should love everyone no matter what, which I think is a common misconception when it comes to Christianity. There is nothing wrong with being angry or disgusted with stuff. Jesus was. So I think dealing with tragedy and pain and sorrow really comes down to being honest with yourself and honest with God. Trying to put expectations on how you should feel in different circumstances is unrealistic. If your angry, if your in pain, if you don't understand, its natural. I say cry out to God. You might not get an answer every time to the why question but there is a verse in scripture that our Pastor spoke from recently concerning this. 
Psalm 73:1-17, read the whole passage when you get the chance. It talks about all the bad stuff that the author is seeing around him. He doesn't understand the evil, he doesn't understand why God is allowing it, he is frustrated, but in verses 16 and 17 he finally comes to terms with it. 

When I tried to understand all this,

    it troubled me deeply, till I entered the sanctuary of God;

    then I understood their final destiny.

If we never even go to God we will constantly wonder why, but in His presence is peace and joy and hope. It might not all make sense but He is still there. So rest in knowing Him and if you don't know him today, take the time to talk to God, you might be surprised what happens in that sanctuary.

Proverbs 21:1

In the Lord’s hand the king’s heart is a stream of water

    that he channels toward all who please him.

I just want to start of this discussion on the debate last night by quoting this scripture. No matter what party you support or who you vote for, God is still in control. He directs the events going on around us, even if we don't acknowledge Him. Also I want to ask that negative comments and fighting will be avoided. This is my opinion and observations about the debate and I'm going to be as bipartisan as possible. I just want to start by saying that both candidates last night did very well, based on their backgrounds and knowledge. The president came in with an advantage based on all the information he knows. His job as Commander in Chief put him in a place to defend himself. Governor Mitt Romney, I felt was wise, he didn't bite off more than he could chew and didn't try to act like he knew more than the president. My biggest issue with the President's alluding to his accolades (Bin Laden, ending the wars, etc.) is that even with all these accomplishments, the world doesn't seem any safer. With the recent uprisings in the Middle East and his snubbing of Israel's President, I felt that he was candy coating, and trying to make it seem as if the world is better off now. This was the debate that President Obama actually excelled in because of his knowledge and based on this I would say he won. However, with the cover up on Libya and looming cuts to the defense budget, I doubt that the country will continue to be a strong presence in the world. So no matter what accomplishments have been made, we still have to vote for our future, for our safety, and we need to be confident in our leadership and at this point I'm not. As far as Mitt Romney goes, I was actually surprised that he didn't go more on the offensive with the president. Especially on Libya and what has been occurring there. He seemed to agree with the president on most of the foreign policy agenda of this administration. I did get the feel that Mitt Romney does value the military more based on his concerns about budget cuts. The fact that the president made a joke while Mitt Romney was expressing these concerns just seemed like he wasn't serious about this aspect of our foreign policy needs. Mitt Romney stuck with what he knew and didn't overstep by throwing out assumptions or trying to act as if he knew better than the president. I appreciated that he didn't make wild predictions about what he would do, because a lot of times candidates do that without knowing all the facts. To either party, both candidates did a good job from their  standpoints and so I don't really consider either a loser. I do have to say that the closing remarks of both men were very telling. So if you want to know where either man stands and really see the contrast, go back and listen to both of their closing statements. So, from now until the election day we have to vote our conscience, the needs of our country, and the safety of our land. Ultimately, God knows the end result. My comfort, no matter what the result or how strongly I believe, is that He leads the hearts of kings and His ultimate purpose will be accomplished.

 My thought for today originates from a conversation I had recently with one of my coworkers. She said to me in passing "hey if you want some lotion I brought some with me," she went on to explain that with all the dish washing and baby bottle cleaning on top of working at Outback her hands were so dry. The lotion for her was a reminder that she needed to take care of herself in the midst of taking care of everyone and everything else. As a mom, so often we put ourselves on the back burner. For me its waking up to three needy sons, getting two of them to school and then feeding and changing the baby. I sit down to do something for myself and then remember that I have 4 loads of laundry to do and a sink full of dishes. In the midst of all that,  my hands do get dry. My friend at work had a good point, sometimes you have to do something for yourself even if its something as simple as a little hand cream. This is not about being selfish its about remembering who you are in the midst of all that you are doing. So pick up a bottle of lotion ladies, it can be a spa moment in the midst of a busy life.

Welcome

So....I'm doing it. Here it is, my blog. For months a young friend of mine has said you should blog. She told me if I didn't she would do it for me. I want to start by telling you a little bit about me. I love Jesus with all my heart and this blog will probably in a lot of ways be a look at that huge part of my life. Everything really does flow out of that core.  I am a pastor's wife and a worship pastor. Translation : I sing and play the piano and lead the worship ministry at my church and I absolutely am in love with it. I have been married for 10 years as of today and out of that wonderful union my husband Bill and I have 3 amazing unique sons Caleb, Riley, and Carson.  I also work at Outback Steakhouse and believe me the anecdotes just from working there are enough to fill a separate blog. I'm extremely passionate about the USA which is why I titled my blog what I did. So expect a political rant now and then. For all those who venture into the crazy depths of my head through this blog, welcome.