Parenting for Sissies

I have found in my parenting journey that I'm kind of a sissy. When you are young and you have everything figured out. You have nothing to be afraid of, nothing to worry about, and nothing to lose. Then you have children and all that changes.  The way you thought it was going to be is shattered into a million pieces and you begin to realize who you really are. You realize how self-centered you are, how impatient you are, how strong you really are and all because of the little infant that you hold in your arms in the hospital. How could something so small cause so much self introspection? The answer is, it doesn't end in that place, it is just the beginning. Now 6 years and 3 boys later, I'm still learning. 

Recently, I read an article about a woman who wrote a column saying that having kids was the biggest mistake of her life. Many people praised her honesty while others were disgusted by her lack of sensitivity. The truth is it takes courage to be a parent, and I'll be the first to admit that my courage has faltered often, more than I like to own. The desire for everything to appear perfect plagues me. I find myself getting frustrated because I just want my kids to be good, not struggle, to listen, to be perfect angels. I think I have mentioned in the past that I'm worried what people think about my kids. Maybe that is the way I was raised or just my own personal insecurities. Thank God He doesn't see me the way I see myself.

The truth is, I was supposed to be Caleb, Riley, and Carson's mom. I forget this all the time. God saw me and saw them and purposed that we walk this road together as Mother and sons. It is the plan of the enemy to make me feel unworthy or afraid. If it was truly God's plan for me to be their mom, then I have everything they need to become all that they are supposed to be. Does that mean I'm good the way I am? Probably not, I have a lot to learn and a lot to change, but the fact remains that my children were a gift from God and it is my responsibility to take care of this gift. 

So courage to raise them comes from my Father. I might not have all the tools or all the strength or all knowledge, but I do have a Heavenly Father who does. We have to remember that whatever God gives us to do, He WILL give us all that we need to complete the task. Even something like parenting. Sometimes, it takes laying down our own ideas about how it should be done and trusting the Word of God to give us all the wisdom we need. It gives us resolve, not to give up or call it quits or whine or complain but to trust that we will make it. That our children will make it. 

So even if I have been a sissy as a parent, the truth is I don't have to stay there. I don't have to be afraid. I have everything I need to be the parent I'm supposed to be. 

Sometimes it hits the fan....

So ministry comes with many ups and downs. The last two weeks have been on the lower end of the two. I often remember my parents telling me when I was a little girl, that the families of ministers come under great attack. When I was young I didn't completely understand this or really want to since it seemed scary. However, as I have gotten older and being in ministry for over 10 years, I have begun to see that there are forces at work above us that seek to kill, steal, and destroy. The scripture in Ephesians 6:12 says that we do not wrestle with flesh and blood but with powers and principalities. This helps me to put into perspective the events of the last few weeks.

It all began about two weeks ago. My husband and I had just come home from an awesome weekend with our students. It was at our annual youth convention that we saw a lot of breakthrough in our kids. They experienced God like we had not seen up until this point. It was awesome! So although we came home exhausted and worn out, we also came home with a lot of joy and victory in our hearts.

I want to preface what I say next with a little background. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail but I want to explain that our financial situation has not always been easy and these last two months we have experienced a lot of freedom in this area of our lives. This has been a huge victory for us. So when our furnace broke and not just one but both of our vehicles broke down equaling over a 1000 dollars in damage, its safe to say we were feeling frustrated. Now many people might say this is just bad luck or just a coincidence. But being back in the same financial position we were before after having such victory was no coincidence. Then humanity seeped in and the WHY GOD questions began. I called my mother-in-law and just broke down. I was sobbing on the phone. What she said snapped me back to reality. She said, "You are being attacked. You think that the devil is happy with what is happening?" All I could think of was that he was pulling out the big guns. I'm not one to chase after the devil or to see every bad thing as an attack from the pit of Hell, but at that moment, what she said resonated with me. I realized that this was an attempt, by powers and principalites, to steal the joy that comes from the inside and not from things on the outside.

No financial security can become a substitute for the joy of the Lord and the peace that comes from knowing that He is in control. The attempt from the enemy was to steal that from me. When I realized that, I had the real victory. There was a part of me that was saying "bring it on". I now know that like Jeremiah 29:11 says the plans of the Lord for us are good and that He has a great one. It makes me look forward to the future because God has AWESOME things in store for us.

The end of the story is even greater. As I am writing this most of our savings has been restored and God has provided. In the midst of the fight, we don't always see the victory in sight, but God gives us the strength to keep fighting.  He never leaves us. Just writing this today has strengthened my reserve to continue to trust and serve the Almighty God. Be victorious today!