Hard to Believe

Let's be honest. It's hard to be a Christian. It's always been hard. If its not one thing its the other. Facing persecution, accusation, unbelief, hopelessness, brokenness, self, its hard. Period. As I observe many people that I have known or been acquainted with, I get it. How can people believe in something they can't see, when everything around them is so messed up? There are plenty of reasons to question and a myriad of excuses.

It's true people can be rich, strong, influential, successful without God. People do good things without God, can be nice without God, and giving without God. Humanity as a whole can be a lot of things. I have found in my observation that everyone has a breaking point though. A point where they look up to the sky and shake their fist at Him or bow a knee and surrender. In that moment, there is an acknowledgement that there is a God. That we alone are not in complete control of our lives. In that moment the atheist will choose to stop believing in Him or someone will embrace faith and believe.

Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen (Hebrews 11.1). If you don't believe in God, you will never see Him. Jesus told Thomas that those who believed without seeing would be
blessed (John 20:29). People ask for a sign all the time, sometimes God gives that sign. In my own personal experience it doesn't happen if I don't believe. If my motives are a desire for proof before belief than most of the time, I get nothing.

God has proved His existence for thousands of years. He doesn't have to keep on proving Himself. The ball is in our court. Do we choose to believe in a God who created the world, sent His Son, or not. Do we choose to live life with hope for eternity or live life hopelessly striving for nothing. Can anyone prove there is nothing after death? I think not. I'd rather take a chance and believe that there is and live my life to that end. The alternative is a scary thought. Eternity disconnected from my Creator. Disconnected from truth and life.

About 10 years ago, I was at work and a bunch of coworkers were discussing the release of the movie "The Passion of the Christ."  I wept through the entire movie. As we were discussing the film one of my coworkers was talking about how good the movie was and was pretty overwhelmed by it. Towards the end of the conversation she made a comment that will always stick with me. Let me preface this by saying she wasn't a religious person or a believer. She said if all that the Bible says is true and that movie was correct, then we are all screwed (she used an expletive). The power of the truth in that moment hit her and she realized that there was a very clear choice to be made. To believe that Jesus Christ was the son of God and that everything He said and did was true or to take the chance that it wasn't.

I know that being a Christian is hard. I know that it seems like there are lots of rules and regulations. Honestly there is really only one thing.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son that whoever BELIEVES in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Faith is a choice, a choice every person must make.

The Doubter

Doubt. Its an extremely powerful thought pattern. It lead to fear and creates in us uncertainty. It puts us on a track of circular thinking that never gives us an answer. We can try to disprove it or try to calm it. Those thoughts just creep back in. Doubt causes a battle in us that makes it hard to believe in anything.

From a biblical perspective, I often wonder if Thomas was really a doubter because he didn't believe in God, or because he just didn't believe the people around Him. If it was the latter, then I certainly can relate. Based on the failures of people and the mistakes made in the church over centuries, its no wonder people doubt the reality of God. Through human error, and lack of understanding, humanity's doubtful view of an Almighty God is valid. Not only that, but Christian's (myself included) often allow those doubts to influence their faith.

Faith is not based on proof. Although there is enough evidence out there for the existence of God, Jesus, and His work throughout the world. Faith is stepping into an unknown place with all the hope within you because even though you can't see something...you KNOW it's there.

I know God is real. That is why when I screw up I feel terrible and when I don't change, its even worse. . The breath in my lungs is my hope that the next moment is another chance to change. Sometimes, I wonder if God is just going to throw in the towel and let me go, but He doesn't.

The reality is Thomas wasn't considered a doubter because he didn't believe his peers, or because he didn't believe in God, He was considered a doubter because he didn't believe in what he couldn't see or feel. Seeing is believing right? The only problem with that is, if everything I see around me is what I should believe in, then eek, what's the point.

I might not have all the answers. I might not know the details of how God created the world in 7 days, or why people die painful deaths, or how the Bible was written by so many people and yet still rings true. But I know this, that God is real. I see Him in the way He protects my children. I see Him in the love I share with my Husband. I see Him in my best friend who struggles with a terrible sickness but still refuses to give up on Her savior. I see Him in those who choose to stand for Him when no one else will. God is real and He shows it when we truly believe in Him. Doubting may seem easier. It may come easier but it leaves us empty and afraid. Giving our hearts and minds a chance to believe is what opens our spirits to the possibility that God is there.

Hebrews 11:1

 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, 

the evidence of things not seen.

When I Grow up I want to be just like Abigail

So, I want to start this post off by saying that the last couple weeks I have been on a slippery slope. I recently wrote a post about how becoming a housewife was not so bad. In it I expressed my struggles with being lazy and how I felt God has really helped me to overcome these issues. Well, the last couple weeks, I began to let myself go a little. Now just to give myself a little grace, it has been really busy. My husband went away for a weekend. Then we went away together for a retreat. We were faced with a major home repair, and it's been a little overwhelming. That being said, I started to revert a little backwards. Taking more time for myself then I needed and putting the important needs of my home on the back burner. The result of course was frustration. Looking around and saying "I'm back here again?" This time I was faced with a decision to drown in a pool of pity or to simply get back up and start again. I had to put my priorities in order and remember that God helped me before and He will help me again. I say that all to say that I stopped blogging for a few weeks because I was out of sorts and wasn't really focused on writing. Now I'm back and actually very excited to keep sharing life with you.

The title of this post is the real reason why I wanted to write tonight. So here goes. I don't really see myself as a super discerning, or wise person. I believe that with age and life experience I have learned a lot and have grown in leaps and bounds in the common sense department. (Common sense hasn't always been my strong suite). For the most part I struggle in these important areas.

I read recently something on Facebook that said something like "20 ways to know you are Mentally Tough." When I read that, I was encouraged that I was okay in certain categories but overall not mentally muscular. Now before you all go thinking I'm being hard on myself, please hear me out. This introspection is not to tear myself down but rather to recognize what I should pray for and what God wants me to become.

Recently, I have begun to pray specifically for something from God. I have asked Him to make me a wise person. I literally have thought about Solomon and how He asked God for wisdom above all. Wisdom may not come naturally for me, but in reality it doesn't come naturally for anyone, because it comes from God. The bible literally says that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

Yesterday, as I was reading my devotions, I came across the story of Abigail. (1 Samuel 25) It tells the story of a woman who was so wise that she saved her family and had the foresight to avoid a major disaster. She was brave, she was humble, she was strong, and she was discerning. As I read her story I realized that this was who I wanted to be.

I am constant work of God. I want to be totally willing to change and be transformed. I don't want to stay the same or settle for a mediocre existence. I want to realize that I have potential and will always be clay in the hands of God. I don't want to harden myself. I don't want to buy the lie that I will always be this way. I want to be pliable and changeable. God wants us to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. Only He can help us realize that. I'm so encouraged that I'm a work in progress. That I will be wise, I will be discerning, and when I grow up I will be like Abigail.

Why so offended?.

Why does everyone get so offended? I've just been observing lately, how offended people get over things. They could be big issues like race, or religion, or politics. Sometimes they are little issues, like preferences, or attitudes, or small mistakes. This week, I was faced with this very thing. I had a situation at work and I got pretty frustrated, offended. I literally had to go to the bathroom in the middle of my shift,  pray, and breath. For the most part, I try to let things roll off. It is not worth holding on to worthless stuff. However, I'm certainly not above getting burned. Definitely not above getting angry.

The more and more I have thought about this, I realize that people hold on to offences like they hold onto good memories. Just as easy at it is to remember all the good times, they just as easily recall all the wrongs done to them. It makes people bitter, until all the good starts to get overshadowed by a constant need to find something wrong in everything.

It's horrible. In our culture, people think they have a right to be offended. A right to freak out when something bad happens to them. A right to blame something or someone. Constantly feeling slighted, or treated wrongly, until it becomes the norm. We stop seeing the good in people and just hold on to the possibility of getting hurt.

Being offended and holding on to unfairness is a trap. I want to offer freedom to anyone who will listen. I know that its hard to forgive when you get hurt. I know its not easy to let go when you feel wronged and your american sense of justice must find a solution. We can think of all the reasons why we are offended. We can find lots of ways to justify our feelings, but in the long run its just a sad waste of precious time. Time to be focusing on the good in life. Time to embrace the good in people.

Offense leads us down a path riddled with bitterness, pain, stress, and anxiety. It doesn't help us, it doesn't answer the need for justice, it doesn't make us feel better. It just makes us bitter. You know what they say about bitterness. Its like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get hurt.

Freedom begins when you release the need to hold on to all of the stuff that has bugged you or offended you. If you have to take a  long hard look inside so that you can let go then do it. I want to tell you all a quick story from the bible that is a perfect example. It can be found in Genesis 37-50.

Joseph was a young man that had everything going for him, he was most loved by his father and was extremely spoiled. This offended his older brothers and out of their offense they got rid of him by selling him into slavery. For years Joseph served in his master Potiphar's house until he was accused of immorality with the master's wife, which was a lie. He was thrown in prison. At this point, the list of reasons he should be offended was pretty long. He was betrayed, falsely accused, and wrongfully convicted. I'm sure during this time he was upset. The bible never talks about Joseph being a complainer or cashing it in because he was upset. Eventually he became an upstanding prisoner and in doing so had an opportunity to talk to the king. Through this exchange he was lifted out of an impossible situation and put in a prominent position of leadership. Years later, his brothers were in deep need, they came to Eygpt for help. Joseph was the very person that they were to come in contact with. Joseph knew them right away even though they did not recognize him. At that point, I'm sure the years of pain came rushing back and at first he treated them harshly. He had to deal with how he was wronged. What he did was amazing.  Eventually he revealed himself to them and was able to forgive them. This is what he  said in Genesis 45:8  “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God..." He was able to see past any offense and any difficulty in life to recognize that God was in control all a long.

That is an extremely short version of the story but here is my point. This man had every reason to be offended and mad and frustrated. Instead of holding on to that he kept going. He didn't waste his time. He did all that he could with what he had. As a slave he became a master in his owner's house. As a prisoner, he became a leader, the one who watched over them. All of these difficult experiences were opportunities for him to have a big chip on his shoulder. Somehow, by the grace of God, he didn't allow that to happen and it helped him to accomplish amazing things.

Being offended can simply hold you back. Keep you from being the best person you can be. Keeping you from truly loving and truly living. Let it go today. Please read the story of Joseph and allow it to put into perspective a life lived forgiving.

Taking a break with a story

I have experienced bloggers block for the last week and so I was determined to write today. I started and got about three paragraphs in and then realized that I didn't really want to keep writing about that subject matter. So instead, I decided that I'm going to tell everyone a story. 

This happened today.

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Monday's are not usually my day. I'm tired from a busy weekend and I just wanted to stay under the covers. Unfortunately, Monday is the beginning of the week and not the end so I had to get up, get the kids ready, and take them to school. No sleeping in for me. Today was even more insane then usual. We had the furnace repair man coming at 9 and I had to take my 5 year old to the doctor for his yearly checkup. I had to not only get the kids ready but I had to wake my husband up on his day off. Just so that we would have everything somewhat in order for the furnace guy. All in 45 minutes. So I was out the door by 830 and annoyed. 

It is 37 degrees out, and the van feels like an ice box. I'm brooding. Wishing for my cozy bed and some peace and quiet. I drop Caleb (my oldest) off at school and then go home and pick up Riley (the middle) to take him to the doctor. His office is about 20 minutes away but the drive feels like forever. Riley every so often whimpers about getting his shots today. I reach back and tell him to give me his hand. I pinch him (don't judge me) and he yelps. I say "did that hurt?",he nods,  he was more surprised then hurt. "That's what it will feel like." The rest of the ride he practices pinching himself to prepare for the visit. 

Riley is my joker. He is silly, smart, he sings all the time, and he is just a goofball. I love him. He's flesh of my flesh for sure. So we get to the office. We only have to wait in the office for about 10 minutes (surprising since waiting at the doctor's office can take forever). For some reason, after Dr Mike comes in and takes all the measurements and checks everything, it takes a while for the nurses to come and implement the shots. At this point I'm looking at my watch, because I told the school I would have Riley back by eleven and it is already 10:45. More annoyed. Riley is still pinching himself. "Why are they taking so long?" He says to me. Finally, they come in, Two nurses. Each one has a shot. They tell me to hold Ry's arms down. He has his silly grin and honestly doesn't look scared at all. 1 2 3...it was done. "Ow" Riley exclaimed. Then, the nurses gave him stickers, and a pencil. Riley looked at me like That was it? I chuckled. He was really excited about the prizes. 

On the way out of the doctor's office, as I was going to check out, Riley saw the nurses that had given him the shots. "Thanks for the shots!" He says cheerfully with a huge smile on his face. Oh my Gosh! Only my son would thank the nurse for giving him a shot. The secretary at the front desk's mouth dropped open. "That's a first." She said. I was loosing it. My wonderful, funny, brave son had thanked them for the shots. 

All of a sudden the day was better. The cold wasn't as annoying, the furnace repair wasn't as daunting, the weariness wasn't as heavy. For a moment, laughter was the best medicine. 

Recent Romantic Notions

There are so many rant worthy subjects in my head right now. I don't know which one to settle on so I'll take a break from the rant of the week to share a recent revelation I've had. Its about romance. Its about the butterflies that you get and that seem to go away.

Okay so here's how it goes. You look into his eyes and BANG! He's the one. All you want to do is be with him. He makes your knees go weak and your heart beat really loud. Nothing can top the feelings and emotions of those first couple weeks, months, or even years! Then you get married, you have kids, you both get jobs, or your a state at home mom. All those feelings start to drown in the pool of life. The struggles of the day to day make it easy to see his faults. Going to bed becomes going to bed. Life settles into a rhythm, expectations go unfulfilled, and the first years are forgotten.

I'm not going to pretend like there is an easy way to escape this funk. I do believe there are small steps that keep romance and love alive. However, I'm not a self-help blog and I'm all about just coming to you from where I'm at. So I'll tell you what has helped me to overcome this funk that often happens in my own marriage. 

I realized, as I was thinking about this recently, that the expectations on love, romance, and feelings are unrealistic. Now this isn't something that comes as a complete surprise. I personally just want to keep my expectations because I love romance and romantic stuff. Let's get real though, when you first met that special someone, how stressful was your life? Everyone comes from different backgrounds and I know all circumstances are different, but one things is for sure that it was definitely a place where it was easy to fall in love. 

For me it was college. I didn't have to worry about finances, other than putting gas in my car and paying for my monthly college bill. At the time it didn't cost an arm and a leg. I could spend as much time as I wanted with Bill and I didn't have to give my time to anything else. The perfect set up for falling in love. Close proximity, away from the parents, and barely any responsibility. So I started thinking, I can never go back to that time in my life. My husband and I have experienced so much since then, our ministry, our children, our financial responsibilities and all the stress that comes with it.  Romance didn't die because of all these things...the circumstances just changed.

The other night, the kids were in bed, I was shuffling around the house, straightening up, I was about to take some dirty clothes or something upstairs, when I saw it. That look. The same one he has always had for me. Bill was gazing at me. His eyes full of love and admiration. I was stunned. How could I forget how it felt to be passionately loved and adored. How could I allow life and circumstances to cloud my vision? The romance never left, my perspective changed, and not for the better. I was in many ways convicted. I realized that I had allowed a false view of romance and expectations to give me amnesia. I couldn't remember how it felt because I wasn't paying attention. Love grows with time, contrary to popular belief. The only party that is guilty of allowing it to fade is the one who refuses to see it. The one who depends on a feeling or the past.

After 11 years of marriage, many ups and downs, many trials and joys. I am still in love. I'm still a romantic. It has not been lost in the hum drum of life but rather been enhanced by the life we share. Don't allow the lies of this present world to cloud your vision. Allow your eyes to be opened to what is real now.

Proverbs 5:18

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.

Rant of the week: Okay so maybe I'll talk about politics...just a little bit

This week I have been thinking a lot about what's been going on in our country.  Last week, I wrote about the shut down and how fretting over it caused me to realize it wasn't worth ranting about. This week, is similar. Yes I am talking about the political situation, sort of, but more than that I'm talking about how we the people seem to be reacting.

The problem I'm seeing is the public reaction. Some people care a lot. They are raising money for people who are not working right now because of the shutdown. They are calling their representatives. They are doing research and becoming informed. May I just venture to say that a majority don't really care. They care more about their own lives and their own situations. They fail to see the impact that all of this is really having on them  whether directly or indirectly. The reality is, that now or later all that is happening in our country politically is eventually going to effect everyone. People can turn a blind eye, or keep their mouths shut, but the truth is our problems are not just going to go away because we are looking away. 

If we the people would take notice. If we the people would talk to our politicians. If we the people would open blind eyes we would be able to see that everything is not okay. Veterans being forced away from a memorial that technically doesn't need to be shut down is not okay. Families not getting death benefits from the loss of their soldiers, is not okay. 

If we take a moment to get out of our own little world, and look at the whole world, we would realize things have to change. I'm not saying I have the answers because God knows I don't, usually I realize prayer is the only answer in moments like this. We need to be aware of what is happening around us. There was a time when politicians and people cared more for the common good then just their own good. When did this change? Its scary to think that a country that was founded on the selfless acts of so many is slowly declining because of the selfish acts of a few.

As much as this is a rant I would also challenge you to pray for our nation. A lot of times its hard to pray for our leaders if we don't agree with what they are doing, but we must pray for them. If we want things to change we must pray. If we humble ourselves and pray. If we change our selfish ways. If we stop doing it our way and try God's way. He will hear us, He will forgive us, and He will heal us. There is always hope when we put it in His hands. God bless and good night. 

From my heart...

It kind of stinks when you realize that your the annoying person who always thinks you have to say something when someone is going through something difficult. Yeah, I realized this week I'm that person. I just took a step back and observed myself and realized that when I don't have an answer,  I think talking is the only way to help the situation. Why do I do that? Its frustrating. Its a learning experience. It's realizing that sometimes there are just no words. You look up to the heavens above you and shut up. 

Wisdom, is something that doesn't come easy for me, but it seems that when I ask for more of it, God is willing to help me grow. Learning to shut my mouth has always been a difficult thing for me. I've had to jam a sneaker in there more times than I can count. I think I have probably unknowingly said something stupid or hurtful to every one of my friends one time or another. This is getting real right now. Before this turns into a pity party, because wow for a moment there I was getting a little down, I have to thank God that He doesn't love me less for saying stupid things. He doesn't love me less because I don't always think first and speak second. This is not to say that its okay to do that, its just a relief to know that I'm on the potter's wheel. 

So what's the point of this blog entry tonight. Well, I really felt like writing, doing some self-introspection, and grabbing a hold of hope. Hope that even though I can be hard headed, Jesus Christ can break through that stone. That even when I open my mouth and foolishness flows out, that He has so much grace for me. Grace to carry me to a transformation. I can lift my hands and praise Him because I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago and I won't be the same 10 years from now. 

Life is excruciating and wonderful all at the same time when you serve and belief in God. Today I was talking to a friend about disciplining our children. It struck us both in that conversation that God disciplines those He loves, which is what the Bible says. We don't usually believe that, we get scared and think God is out to get us. The reality is, when we recognize the discipline for what it is, a chance to draw us to Him. A chance to become who we were meant to be. A chance to surrender. We are changed. The lack of wisdom I once had becomes a wealth of it. The moments I would open my mouth in foolishness become moments where I hold my tongue. The times I get defensive out of insecurity become a chance to find security in God alone. 

This is all about recognizing the glory to glory that the Bible talks about. How far I've come and by grace how far I have to go. My heart is full of joy and is overwhelmed with the amazing life I have been given. At times a roller coaster, but mostly just an amazing adventure. Thank you Precious Lord for giving this to me.

Rant of the Week: Shut down and shut up

So this is a rant that has been brewing all day. In light of the government shutdown, I have been really upset. Upset that the government can't function the way it is supposed to. Upset that people just don't seem to care about people anymore. At least twice, I have logged onto Facebook, ready to spew my frustration about the current national issues.  Both times I just erased what I was going to write. I realized that it just wasn't worth my time or energy to throw myself on the ground like a little girl and throw a tantrum.

Yes, its frustrating when the world doesn't seem to be functioning like it is supposed to. Technically it has never gone the way its supposed to. Somehow, we still expect never to face trials or struggles or shutdowns. Life isn't fair. That is what my mom used to say when things didn't go our way and we were throwing fits. I say the same thing to my own children when their inborn since of justice rears its naive little head and tries to understand the circumstances they are in.

So hear I am doing the exact same thing. Life isn't fair because people are not fair, and lets be honest the law isn't always fair and America isn't always fair. So here is the part where yes I must fall onto the arms of grace because God is fair.

He is always good. He will always love me. He will always take care of me. Even if I have nothing left, He will still be their. I am watching it all around me. I have watched people go through death, loss, sickness, and abuse. I have watched people marry, have children, live successfully, and be extremely happy. In all of this one thing remains. He is good.

So even as we as a people face a shutdown. Even as we face unfairness, injustice, and confusion, we must muster faith. There must be a sense that no matter what people do, God is still good. This last month I read through Ecclesiastes and this passage really reflects my feelings on all of this.

There is a time for everything,

    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

   a time to plant and a time to uproot,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance, 

   a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, 

    a time to keep and a time to throw away, 

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,    

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Remember, no matter what, God is good, and He knows what comes next. There is a time for shutdowns and there is a time to just shut up.

Rant of the week: Silly Me

So I had a great rant subject and I wrote an entire blog about it last night. But it was so late that after reading it I just didn't want to publish it. I woke up this morning feeling silly because I should have kept it up. Now I lost the entire transcript (because I didn't save it). Attempting to rewrite it at this point would be a futile attempt since I was in the zone and I think it wouldn't be as good as the first time around. So, this may seem lame but I'm going to wait until next week to write on a new subject. Maybe with a clear head I can say how I feel intelligently without second guessing myself. Have an enjoyable weekend!

Making me a house wife

I've never really pictured myself as a typical housewife, cooking, cleaning, organizing, staying home with  the children, and being super mom.  My husband Bill and I have been in fast moving ministry for over ten years. We have worked in 3 different churches and in the middle of it had a successful evangelistic traveling ministry. When we were first in ministry, before we had children, we lived a fast paced life. We ate out a lot, we went out a lot and we spent a lot of time with our students which equaled long late nights. We put all of our time into our ministry. The last thing on my mind then was cleaning my house, cooking dinner, and keeping a budget. I didn't really think these things were that important.

After we had our first child, we were still going strong. We were working a lot, my husband doing construction and preaching every weekend. All the while I was working at night 4 to 5 nights a week. Our life continued to feel like it was in overdrive. There was no stopping us or slowing us down, we were following God's call, but I was missing a part of His call on me. Then came our second child. We continued to live our lives the way we wanted. Yes we had our kids, and we were focused on putting them first but I still neglected the house in many ways. I was sacrificing the organization and needs of our household in order to keep living a life involved in ministry. I felt guilty about putting the house stuff on the back burner but it didn't really phase me, not yet.

I didn't realize that I was sacrificing the basic needs of my house, for my own desire to have a personal ministry platform. I was trying to having it all with no balance at all. I believe now with balance and time management you can be a part of the things you want to. I didn't get that then. On the one hand the ministry was successful and thriving but my house was a train wreck. It wasn't clean, the laundry was not done, the clutter continued to build up and the dishes were building up fast. Cleaning to me was a drag, it didn't seem to be a part of my great purpose. "I'm not called to stay at home and do nothing." was the false assumption that I had adopted.

Well, I say all of this to say that I WAS WRONG! Being a housewife is not a bad thing, its not an inferior calling. I was so wrong to consider this beneath me or my skill.  The truth is, I have a lazy streak. For the longest time, it was just about doing enough to get by and then continue to go all out for ministry. I realized that I need to go all out in ALL area's of my life. Even the things that might not be my favorite.

Honestly this is a fairly recent revelation for me. My husband recently had surgery.  I realized that with the kids starting school again and with him being unable to contribute to the running of the house, I would have to step it up. As I began to get up a lot earlier to get the kids to school, and began taking inventory of my house, I realized that I had a lot of catching up to do. So I started to clean out the clutter. I realize that so many things had built up. I hadn't been doing my job. I had neglected a key part of my role as a wife and a mom. It was time to change. It was time to fight the desire to sit down, it was time to humble myself and become ALL that I was supposed to be not just half of myself. As I began to improve my consistency with cleaning and keeping house, I started to realize that there was potential in me that I hadn't seen before. Potential to be balanced and focused and organized. I honestly had given up on these things for myself. I had watched other women that seemed to have the keeping house thing down, and I had just thought that there was no way I could do all that and keep doing ministry the way I wanted. Again, I WAS SO WRONG!

It finally came down to a conversation I had with Bill right before his surgery. I was getting really stressed, wondering how I was going to keep it all together during the recovery and physical therapy. He simply said to me, "You have more to give...", basically its time to put your game face on. I don't say all this to say I have arrived, the lazy streak in me has to keep me humble. I have to remember what its like to sit on the couch all day looking at Facebook or catching up on a bazillion shows and then at the end of the day realize that I have accomplished nothing and have a messy house. I have to remember how it felt to see myself as a failure because I wasn't being all that I could be, not just as a minister but also a housewife. This has been a balance that has taken me years to understand. Thank God he is helping me to do that. Anyhow, I say all this to say, God truly does pull back layers to reveal all of who we are supposed to be. He has made me a bonafide housewife and I'm okay with it. Peace!

Rant of the Week: Playing the Field

Today, I was browsing the net and reading random articles, which I do occasionally, when I found one about a young actor who has a reputation for "playing the field." All I could think as I was reading this was, "Do women look like a big grassy football field that guys just think they can run all over, catching balls, and making touchdowns on?"

Now I could go on ranting about how guys shouldn't treat women like that, or talk like that, or act like that but really whose to blame here? Are women giving into the game? Are they lowering their standards? Are they allowing themselves to be 'played'? Yup, they definitely are. I get it women have been disrespected and treated unequally and used for thousands of years, but we live in a society where we have a lot more power over that. We don't have to be played. We have opportunity, choice, and ability to live our own lives separate from cultural expectations.

Our culture lowers its expectations on women, making us appear lose and easy. They rejoice when women reveal a lot, exclaiming that they are comfortable, confident, and sexy. All the while giving props to the players. Young men are encouraged to be this way, to get out there, and try a lot of women out. Just another notch in a belt. Really? Encouraging young men to use women, and encouraging women to appear usable. All that's left is a lot of damaged people. Men who don't know how to really treat a lady, and women who don't know how to be one.

What happened to the days when hands were kissed, doors were opened, chairs were pulled out, and women were honored? Is that really old fashioned? To me, those are signs of value and respect.Women look at guys who do these things as weirdos. Thinking the guy is old fashioned or weak. What happened to ladies and gentlemen? In my estimation we are stuck as boys and girls who are playing a game that teaches neither respect or value to the opposite sex. How do we fight these backward cultural issues? How can we overcome these lies?

Well for one thing, we can teach our children. Being the mother of three boys, I realize the importance of teaching them that playing a field is all about a game with a ball and team mates. That treating a girl with respect is more important than looking at them as an object. One of the best things about being a youth pastor with my husband is watching the culture change. Is teaching students the value of respecting one another. Respecting the opposite sex. Watching them defend one another and protect their sisters and brothers. There is hope people! There is the opportunity for change. We must be active in the change, and see our culture transformed!

Oops Miley did it Again!!!!

The last couple weeks it seems that all people can talk about is Miley Cyrus. OMG did you see what Miley did on her new video. What the heck is this new Twerking thing about? What happened to Hannah Montana? People can't get over how shocking, disturbing, gross, promiscuous this young girl who used to be a role model for little girls has become. 

Tonight, at work, not surprisingly, the whole subject came up...AGAIN. At first I rolled my eyes and yelled, "SHE NAKED that's why people are watching this junk, not because she can sing good." All of the sudden I stopped and a crazy thought hit me. People want to watch this garbage. Okay so this might seem obvious to everyone but it really isn't. Everyone cries out in disgust when things come out like this. "Did you see?" "What a slut?" "Can you believe that she....?" People make statements, and organizations protest and people get all up in arms. It all comes down to this....people want to watch this stuff. There is something inside everyone of us, whether curiousity or a desire to see something bad that draws us to these types of entertainment. Then after we have indulged ourselves we cry out in disgust or anger or whatever our reaction will be. 

Okay so what is my point about blogging about this? The reaction of people is not going to change what she did, or what Madonna did, or Britney, or Gaga, and the list could go on and on. If I continue to give my attention to this it will never go away.

Don't get me wrong this isn't about judging these people, you know why because that's not my job. This is about taking an honest look at myself and my own motives for even wanting to see something like this. I am a hypocrite. I can cry out in disgust and gasp in shame but I was the one who CHOSE to watch this. I heard it wasn't good, I still watched it. I had a feeling it wasn't going to be edifying but I did it anyway. So who is really wrong? Is Miley really the only guilty party here? I think not. I believe we all are. We have created a society that says if you do something shocking and disturbing you are going to get attention. We cry out in outrage at the very thing we have created. Hypocrites! 

Psalm 141:4 Do not let my heart be drawn to what is evil so that I take part in wicked deeds along with those who are evildoers: do not let me eat their delicacies. 

To change the trend I must change, I must resist the urge to satisfy my desires. Most of all, when I do, I need to be willing to repent and not cry out in outrage, because I'm the one who chose to take part in it.

Rant of the week! 

But even if He doesn't...

So right at this moment, I'm sitting in the recovery room with my husband who just had surgery to repair his ACL. He's a little woozy and sleepy so while I wait, I 'm thinking and writing my next blog post by hand in my journal. So hopefully as I translate my terrible freehand into times new roman, this blog will reach someone today.

Often in Sunday school we hear the story of the fiery furnace with wide eyes and childlike faith. We are amazed that God saved those three guys with the weird names from being burned alive. As I began reading this chapter again for the umpteenth time however, I discovered more than I had ever seen before.  I was amazed with the way the Shadrach Meshach, and Abednego responded to the king's threats.

Now these days, "Why God?" crosses my mind a lot more often than I care to admit. When I see tragedy, sickness, rumors of war, children being abused, hopeless pointless living, and lack of purpose, I am flabbergasted. So "Why God" seems  to be my only response to all of this. However, when I read the way three young men dealt with their imminent death it helped me put into perspective a life lived in faith no matter what.

Now understand, for these three guys bowing down to the King.s image was a violation of their Jewish tradition, so they had a choice in front of them. That was to do what all of society was doing and in one moment sacrifice their integrity to save their lives or to face the penalty. Humbly and respectively this is how they responded.

17 If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us[a] from Your Majesty’s hand. 18 But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.” 

Daniel 3:17-18

A lot of times we focus on how these guys were willing to stand up and die for what they believed in and that is noble and valid. What I saw that really helped me was the phrase "But even if He doesn't...". Its not that they were not afraid to die, or not distressed with their situation, it was how much faith and hope they had in God that whether He saved them or not, they would not give in. 

So all my why God questions in one moment may have not been answered specifically but I was given a perspective that helped me to deal with it. God, even if I live or die, even if there is sickness and death, even if there is tragedy and hopelessness, I still believe in You, I will obey You and I won't give in. We have the power to hope in a God who loves us. We have the power to overcome fear of death, with hope in life. Even if the outcome isn't ideal or even deliverance, we can stand in hope that God is the ultimate. The alpha and omega, the beginning and the end. That is what Shadrach and Meschach and Abednego seemed to understand. Living there heritage, their faith, their integrity and trusting God was more important in that moment than death even if God didn't swoop in and save them. I would challenge any of you reading today that when you start to despair in life, you say Even if he doesn't, I will believe.  If everything around looks like its falling apart, look up and say one way or the other, I will trust you. There is freedom and victory in confidently declaring the sovereignty of God. 

Live full of Hope today! God has given you the power to!

A Wicked Long Time

I know its been a WICKED long time sing I have written in my blog. I basically took the summer off. Now that the kids have gone back to school, I seem to have a lot more time to write. I'm going to change the title of my blog, simply because I think I have changed in my priorities for what I want to write about. As much as I love talking about politics, I find that it can be pointless at times to rant about something that at times seem completely out of control.

 So there are a couple things I really want to focus on going forward. First and foremost, the Word of God. I love the Bible, I love learning new things, I love when the Holy Spirit clarifies a portion of scripture for me and changes me on the inside, and I pretty much love Proverbs. I think if people would follow proverbs they would be the most successful people on the planet. So I want to focus on that. I'm going to continue to share my parenting experiences, marriage and ministry because frankly that is my life and I want to share that with people. I hope that you all will tune in, be encouraged, and laugh. 

So now my question for you all is this, I don't know what to change my blog title to, so I'd love some ideas. If anyone has any send them my way. I'm looking forward to relaunching and sharing my life with you guys! 

I needed a Time Out!

As a parent, so often we form expectations as to how our children should be. We have our
own definition of normal, well behaved, good, and our standards for our kids become based on our own comfort, pride, and ability. A couple of weeks ago, I was struggling with how I was treating my children and how they were acting. I was extremely frustrated and like a whiny, ungrateful child I was complaining and wishing that life could just be easier.

It was in the incredible providence of God, that on a Sunday in the middle of all of this, our wonderful, sensitive pastor preached an entire message on parenting God's way. The phrase that stuck out for me during that message struck me so profoundly. He said, "God has given you your children so that you can come closer to Him." All of a sudden, I was overwhelmed with the love of God. I realized that as frustrating as it may be sometimes to be a parent, God has given me my kids not only to bring them up, but because He is bringing me up. He loves me so much He doesn't want me to stay the same, He is using my kids to make me who I'm supposed to be. The best version of myself. I'm going to quote myself from a Facebook post I made shortly after this revelation.

"'Everything God gives us in life, whether our children, circumstances, spouses, jobs,triumphs and tragedies are to bring us closer to Him. To lean on Him and find strength and refuge in a real relationship with God. Some say, He doesn't give us more than we can handle. The reality is He wants to handle it, but He gives it to us so we can get on our knees and give it back." 

I came to realize that all of the struggles I was facing, whether self made or child made were
all God's way of changing me. How could I place unrealistic expectations on my 6,4 and 1 year
old, when I am not exemplifying love and grace and mercy to them? 

For so long, I have looked high and low for a divine calling. To go to the far ends of the earth and serve other cultures, or to stand on a street corner preaching shamelessly, or to give my life up for the gospel. Those are noble callings and many have been called to that. But then I remember what the beginning of 1 Corinthians 13 says: 

 "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains,but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing."

If I do not love my God and love those He has put in my care, all the other stuff I do doesn't matter. If I don't allow God to work in me and the love of God to change me all the ministry and sacrifice I make would be for naught.

Literally, a week after all of this revelation, I began to change my approach with my kids. The change in my oldest son Caleb, was remarkable. He tends to have a difficult time in school, but I received an amazing report that his behavior had improved and he was doing much better all around. The love and revelation of God is beyond comprehension. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows how to change us and transform us. I am extremely grateful that He loves me enough to allow me to struggle so that I can surrender to Him and allow Him to change me.

Hebrews 12:5-6

5 And have you completely forgotten this word of encouragement that addresses you as a father addresses his son? It says,

“My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline,

and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,6 

because the Lord disciplines the one he loves,

and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son.”

A break from the norm: Fitness 101

Recently, I was talking to my brother about my fitness routine. He was wondering how I get the motivation to get up and go to the gym and lose the weight. The reality is, I'm no fitness guru and I'm definitely not an expert but as I was talking to him, I realized that I have a lot of knowledge on the subject and I want to share a little of that with you.

 A couple of years ago, after I had just had Riley (my 4 year old),  I realized I wasn't going to retain my youthful, slender bod. So I got a gym membership and started going. I tried classes and cardio on the elliptical. However, I just didn't have a goal. Other then really wanting to get my body back. So finally I decided to try something I had never done before. Run a 5k. You have to understand, I love sports, love playing basketball and football for fun, but I regret to say that I never did sports in school. I never learned the discipline that comes from playing one. So when I decided to run a race,  it was actually quite challenging for me. I started training.  The day of the race came I ran it in 39 minutes. I was kind of disappointed. My husband was so proud of me. He said you did something you have never done before. So when the next year came, I adjusted, trained harder, and cut my time to 33 minutes. I learned the value of having a goal and of pushing myself. That second race felt so awesome and I felt so accomplished.

There is something about working out that makes you evaluate your mindset. You realize that you have to beat your body with your mind. Past the pain of the run, or the weight, or the exercise. You have to focus and push yourself. Something that I never really had to do. Running that race was a huge breakthrough for me, that same year I tried P90X which was amazing. So hard, but so rewarding. I learned how to eat better, how to work out different, how to push myself.  So I wanted to give some advice to those of you who might be thinking about working out or losing weight. I want you to know that if you put your mind it you can do it.

1. Have a goal in mind. My goal was my 5k, it changed my life and helped me feel accomplished. So whether it is a weight loss goal, or a lifestyle change, or a physical challenge (like a race) Make sure you have a clear idea of what you want.
2. If your willing to invest financially, make sure you don't waste your time or money.
3. Pick something that you like to do. (For me running is hard, but I like it. The longer I run or the faster I run the more accomplished I feel, not to mention the cardio advantages). It might be playing a sport like basketball, rock climbing, or doing some Zumba. Its much easier to start if it is something you like.
4. Weight train. Okay so this doesn't necessarily mean become a body builder, but building muscle makes your body into a calorie burning machine. The more muscle you have the more calories you burn. I focus on my legs and do workouts for them twice a week. On off days I do arms, chest, and back. 
5. Having a partner is great to. If you work out with someone and are accountable, its easier to keep focused.
6. Don't say I can't. Anybody can work out, anybody can have a goal. You just have to make one and you have to start. 

After giving my brother the advice I gave him, I realized something about working out that has really changed my focus. Working out is a battle. When Paul says in 1 Corinthians 9, that we need to run as if to win the prize, that is the mindset you need to have. Even when I woke up this morning after having a couple days off I said to myself, "Man I really don't want to work out." But I got up and tied my sneakers and headed to the gym. There is something to be said about overcoming your feelings, overcoming your urge to sit on the couch and eat food all day. 

²⁴ Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.²⁵ Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶ Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air. ²⁷ No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

I hope that today you can reflect on the spiritual implications of this scripture, but also the value of doing something to better yourself. God gave us the bodies we have and it is our responsibility to do the best with what we have been given. Have a great day!

Parenting for Sissies

I have found in my parenting journey that I'm kind of a sissy. When you are young and you have everything figured out. You have nothing to be afraid of, nothing to worry about, and nothing to lose. Then you have children and all that changes.  The way you thought it was going to be is shattered into a million pieces and you begin to realize who you really are. You realize how self-centered you are, how impatient you are, how strong you really are and all because of the little infant that you hold in your arms in the hospital. How could something so small cause so much self introspection? The answer is, it doesn't end in that place, it is just the beginning. Now 6 years and 3 boys later, I'm still learning. 

Recently, I read an article about a woman who wrote a column saying that having kids was the biggest mistake of her life. Many people praised her honesty while others were disgusted by her lack of sensitivity. The truth is it takes courage to be a parent, and I'll be the first to admit that my courage has faltered often, more than I like to own. The desire for everything to appear perfect plagues me. I find myself getting frustrated because I just want my kids to be good, not struggle, to listen, to be perfect angels. I think I have mentioned in the past that I'm worried what people think about my kids. Maybe that is the way I was raised or just my own personal insecurities. Thank God He doesn't see me the way I see myself.

The truth is, I was supposed to be Caleb, Riley, and Carson's mom. I forget this all the time. God saw me and saw them and purposed that we walk this road together as Mother and sons. It is the plan of the enemy to make me feel unworthy or afraid. If it was truly God's plan for me to be their mom, then I have everything they need to become all that they are supposed to be. Does that mean I'm good the way I am? Probably not, I have a lot to learn and a lot to change, but the fact remains that my children were a gift from God and it is my responsibility to take care of this gift. 

So courage to raise them comes from my Father. I might not have all the tools or all the strength or all knowledge, but I do have a Heavenly Father who does. We have to remember that whatever God gives us to do, He WILL give us all that we need to complete the task. Even something like parenting. Sometimes, it takes laying down our own ideas about how it should be done and trusting the Word of God to give us all the wisdom we need. It gives us resolve, not to give up or call it quits or whine or complain but to trust that we will make it. That our children will make it. 

So even if I have been a sissy as a parent, the truth is I don't have to stay there. I don't have to be afraid. I have everything I need to be the parent I'm supposed to be. 

Sometimes it hits the fan....

So ministry comes with many ups and downs. The last two weeks have been on the lower end of the two. I often remember my parents telling me when I was a little girl, that the families of ministers come under great attack. When I was young I didn't completely understand this or really want to since it seemed scary. However, as I have gotten older and being in ministry for over 10 years, I have begun to see that there are forces at work above us that seek to kill, steal, and destroy. The scripture in Ephesians 6:12 says that we do not wrestle with flesh and blood but with powers and principalities. This helps me to put into perspective the events of the last few weeks.

It all began about two weeks ago. My husband and I had just come home from an awesome weekend with our students. It was at our annual youth convention that we saw a lot of breakthrough in our kids. They experienced God like we had not seen up until this point. It was awesome! So although we came home exhausted and worn out, we also came home with a lot of joy and victory in our hearts.

I want to preface what I say next with a little background. I'm not going to go into a lot of detail but I want to explain that our financial situation has not always been easy and these last two months we have experienced a lot of freedom in this area of our lives. This has been a huge victory for us. So when our furnace broke and not just one but both of our vehicles broke down equaling over a 1000 dollars in damage, its safe to say we were feeling frustrated. Now many people might say this is just bad luck or just a coincidence. But being back in the same financial position we were before after having such victory was no coincidence. Then humanity seeped in and the WHY GOD questions began. I called my mother-in-law and just broke down. I was sobbing on the phone. What she said snapped me back to reality. She said, "You are being attacked. You think that the devil is happy with what is happening?" All I could think of was that he was pulling out the big guns. I'm not one to chase after the devil or to see every bad thing as an attack from the pit of Hell, but at that moment, what she said resonated with me. I realized that this was an attempt, by powers and principalites, to steal the joy that comes from the inside and not from things on the outside.

No financial security can become a substitute for the joy of the Lord and the peace that comes from knowing that He is in control. The attempt from the enemy was to steal that from me. When I realized that, I had the real victory. There was a part of me that was saying "bring it on". I now know that like Jeremiah 29:11 says the plans of the Lord for us are good and that He has a great one. It makes me look forward to the future because God has AWESOME things in store for us.

The end of the story is even greater. As I am writing this most of our savings has been restored and God has provided. In the midst of the fight, we don't always see the victory in sight, but God gives us the strength to keep fighting.  He never leaves us. Just writing this today has strengthened my reserve to continue to trust and serve the Almighty God. Be victorious today!

Women's Rights

This week, in covering my USA category for the blog, I thought I would discuss my feelings on Women's Rights. I like to listen to a lot of political radio, read articles, and research the events that are occurring in our country and the implications it has for people. I get very passionate because I really believe in America and all that it stands for. I'm very proud of my country and very patriotic.

After that introduction, I just want to discuss something that really gets under my skin. Women's rights in our current culture has become extremely distorted. Now, I am deeply pro life, however I want to point something out, when Roe vs Wade made abortion legal in our country decades ago, the law didn't say "Women can now do whatever they want and we the federal government must pay for it". So my frustration comes with lawmakers who make free birth control, free abortion, free services a women's rights issue. ITS NOT! 

Women's rights, as I have come to understand it over the years is about being able to take responsibility, to work, to vote, to go to college, or to have a family. It means we have equal opportunity in the work place, to go after our full potential. In reality the purpose of Women's Rights has missed the mark in our day and age.

Hollywood makes it all about sexual freedom, being with who ever you want, politicians make it about providing free stuff in order to get a vote. Our "rights" have become deluded and misrepresented. Lower expectations have been placed on us. Its no longer okay to be a virgin, if you are you don't have experience. All of these messed up views of women's rights have caused confusion in us. Who are we supposed to be? Will I ever be good enough? Am I really ready to have a baby right now? Should I be a mom or work? Can I have both?

Women's rights in our country started as a noble thing, it started with being able to vote. It started with opening opportunities for women to discover their full potential. How then has it become all about sex? How has it become all about being able to get abortions for free? How has it become all about birth control pills and forcing others to pay for them? It boggles my mind that our culture can take something like women's rights which originally was about empowering women and raising them up and degrade it to be all about "sexual freedom."

Proverbs 31 is the ultimate picture of the well rounded woman who has balance in all she does. Its the ultimate Biblical view of Woman's Rights. Of an entrepreneur, a mother, a wife, a talented woman, an attractive woman, a creative inventor, a caretaker, a speaker. Its all that we can be. Our country, politicians, Hollywood has reduced the value of a woman, they have created a distorted view of God's original plan. I am constantly trying to find the balance of being a wife, mom, a worker, a minister, cook, cleaner, and the list goes on. Striving to be all that I can be which is far beyond what I can even imagine. I refuse to be defined by a culture that has devalued my sex and has made it into something far below God's original plan.

I sincerely hope that if you are reading this today you will realize that you were made to be so much more then what this world tells you. Don't allow this degraded and distorted culture define who you are.
³⁰ 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

³¹ 

Honor her for all that her hands have done,

    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:30,31

Discipline is all about love.

Let me start by saying that I don't really see myself as a great mom, more often then not I feel like a failure. My kids act up and I feel (emphasize the word FEEL)  like its the end of the world. The expectations I have placed on myself as a parent are extremely unforgiving, and I am often worried more about how others see me. All of these thoughts and ideas are of course wrong. . 

This week I had been praying that God would help me. I had come to Him and basically said, I can't do this without Your help. On wednesday, My son Caleb came home from school extremely busy and wound up which can make for some interest conflicts. I made dinner and everyone was doing fine. Then I called for them to come eat and the antics began. "I don't like this" and "I don't want vegetables" and "I'm not going to eat this." So I began my normal course of action, threatening to take away snacks, timeouts, etc. Needless to say nothing was working. I got to a boiling point, neither son was touching the dinner and I had had it. I got so angry that, after putting Caleb on timeout, I looked at him and said "Don't talk to me, I'm to angry."  Then the God questioning started. "Why aren't you helping me?" "I told you I can't do this and now look." I was out of patience and out of love.

By that time, I had to get everyone ready for church. I got everyone bundled and in the car and headed over. After dropping everyone off in the nursery and in classes, I went up to the youth sanctuary and was suddenly aware that it was time to put my game face on. I had to let go of what happened at home, let go of my frustration, let go of feeling like God wasn't helping me and focus on ministering to the teens. 

The service was one of the best ones we had ever had. My husband spoke on compassion. At times, as he was speaking, I wondered if this message was just for me. I realized during the worship and the message, that God was available always even if I was at the end of my rope. I felt as if, He filled my empty tank up. That all the patience and love that was gone, He restored. I asked God to forgive me for my anger and once again help me. I realized that when it comes to parenting, its not enough to just ask God for help and then leave it there, its about going to Him as the source. Asking Him to help and then doing it my own way just wasn't going to work anymore. 

 That night when I got home, I revoked all my threats and did not punish my children, instead I apologized for how angry I had been and allowed them to have the snack that I had threatened to take away. It was in that act of mercy that I felt peace. The Lord brought me back to the scripture I had read that morning.

 Proverbs 13:24 

Whoever spares the rod hates their children,

    but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. 

 He had answered my prayer. He showed me, that it is out of love that I must raise and discipline my kids not out of my own expectations or view of myself.  So my prayer changed. God I need your help to love my children enough to discipline them carefully, not just to punish them when they do wrong. It takes the anger and the frustration right out of it. God is the same with me, He disciplines me and corrects me because He loves me. That has to be my motivation with my kids. I challenge those who read this to recognize that our motivation in all we do must be love. It changed my perspective and I pray that it will also change yours.

Be blessed today! 

From Now On...

So I have been pretty random with my blog up until now. I really want to be able to put more thought into it and share more. So on a weekly basis I'm going to share based on my title for the blog. So this week would be ministry, next week motherhood, and lastly the USA. Then I will start the rotation again. We will see how it goes.

Being in the Ministry is one of the most interesting professions to have. Unlike other professions, ministry requires a life. A life dedicated to honoring God in everything I do. Honoring Him with my kids and raising them. Honoring Him in my marriage, by loving, helping, and honoring my husband. Honoring Him by doing the very best I can in my workplace and being a woman of integrity. Honoring Him when I lead the congregation in worship and being sensitive to God's leading in those moments.  Honoring Him when I pray for a lonely teen at an altar, or spending time with students that desperately need to know God and know He loves them.

I love my life, the Bible is so clear that we shouldn't love our lives else we lose them. But it is not that kind of love. I am extremely grateful for the call of God and for all that He has given me because of it. Many people look at ministers and may see people wasting their potential or giving up worldly things and fame. The reality is that dedicating a life to God is the most fulfilling life one could have. Whether gifted to play a sport, or debate in a courtroom, or operate in an ER, or teach in a classroom. When we give our lives to Jesus Christ, we are blessed.

This doesn't mean life is a bed of roses and I could tell you that from personal experience. There is nothing like being right where God wants you. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all else will be added is certainly true. When we dedicate our lives to knowing God,  He adds what we need and what we desire. He makes all things beautiful. Ministry is a great profession and one that requires everything I have. I would venture to say that every profession when it is done unto the Lord is ministry. Whatever it is God has gifted you with, know that He has given it to you and has a great plan for you if you seek Him.

Be blessed as you seek Him today.

Happy Valentines Day!

So typically, my husband and I don't really celebrate valentines day to the fullest (Dinner, candles, flowers, roses, hand held walks on the beach, romantic getaways etc). For the most part, one or the other forgets, there are last minute clearance chocolates involved, or a whipped up cake.  You see there are a 5 February birthday's right before including a brother, a niece, Bill's father, Bill's and mine. So valentines day is sort of like a last thought. So this year this is kind of how the story went. 

Wednesday afternoon, I'm sitting on the couch catching up on Facebook and completely distracted when  Bill comes in the door from work. No real surprise there. He heads to the dining room with three boys wanting his attention. Caleb and Riley ask what he's doing.A few minutes later Riley comes up to me and starts talking to me. Now bear with me everyone, sometimes I tune my kids out and I don't even realize it. So when I finally realize he's talking to me I hear the tail end of his sentence.

 "...surprise."

 I looked at him.  

"What?"

 "Mmmmm, Chocolate." He replies. 

From the dining room I hear, "Shut up Ry."

 I chuckle.

 My husbands walks in with that annoyed look he gets in his eye when his plans have been foiled (which isn't very often). He gives me a beautiful card and a big box of chocolates. Both of my sons start jumping on me.

"Open the chocolate mom. Its your valentine." My thoughtful loving husband was foiled by my sons, it was so funny.

Wait, it gets better. So fast forward to Valentine's Day. I'm in the supermarket, and I head for the valentine's cards. I look at a few and then see this bright purple, velvet monstrousity. I think. Hmm, lets check it out. So I open it up and read it and I love it. It says everything I want to say to Bill. Its all about how strong and wonderful and great he is. So I think, Well I know this is ugly, but I love the message. I'm kind of amazed that the card doesn't say Happy Valentines Day on it, but I figure I can write that in. So I take it home, write a quick message in it and sign it. I'm super excited, I haven't found a card this good in years. So Bill comes home from work and I give him the card. The look on his face when he opens the card is priceless. What the heck is this? He jokingly strokes the velvet cover. He opens the card and starts to read the message, then starts thumbing through the card.

 "Uh, Erica did you know there were two more pages to this card." 

I looked at it and was like.

"What?"

 So, there we were reading the last two pages of the card, which I didn't know were there and at the end was the phrase Happy Valentines Day. I looked at my husband who at this point was laughing hysterically and say "I was wondering where the Happy Valentines Day was." 

He laughed harder. It was a definite blonde moment. 

I love my life, I love my sons, and I love my husband. I love that we can laugh and that we can celebrate the love we share even in the most unexpected ways. Life is not perfect, and plans don't always work out just right, but sometimes its in those moments that we find the most joy, and funny stories to. Have a great weekend!

God's gift of friendship

I am very excited about today's post. Friendship has always been something that has been important to me. It has its ups and downs. It also has brought me many lessons. When you find true friendships that last, you find support, comfort, and companionship. I'm thankful to God who ultimately knows our needs and knows how to make us better people and He does that through friendships.

Proverbs 18:2

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Let me start this whole discussion by saying that when it comes to friends, I have always gotten along much better with guys. I grew up with two brothers and although I was the oldest, I enjoyed playing with legos, and cars and transformers. (I made my brothers play barbies with me, I'm sorry Jered and Joel). I liked sports, and getting dirty and having a fort and running around in the woods. When I was younger from about 6 years old to 12 my family went to a large church and I actually had a lot of girl friends, and when your younger its easier to have girls friends. As soon as my preteen, teen years happened however, stuff changed for me. First off, my family moved out of state. We started going to a much smaller church and a new school. I was 12. At that point you are either cool or your not. I fell into the "not" category and middle school was very difficult. Making friends with other girls was extremely difficult because I was definitely not cool (in middle school terms). I didn't dress like everyone else, I didn't really act like other girls, and I was not really interested in the same kinds of things everyone else was. Dresses and makeup and boys etc. I just wasn't quite there yet. I also kind of just say stuff. Most people who know me, know that first off I'm a weirdo and second I just say stuff without thinking. At that point in time, like every teenager, I wasn't really comfortable with who I was yet. So as time went on, I did make friends, but I did find that I was much more comfortable with guys. They didn't get upset when I said stupid stuff, or acted weird, and I like sports so it was at times easier to talk to them. I always wanted to have friends that were girls, I had a desire to be girly, and feminine, I just didn't know how to relate in that way.

Fast forward to the college years. So college brought different challenges, I made fast friends there. Bible college is a great place to make friends, however there was, believe it or not a lot of gossip, a lot of backstabbing and a lot of misunderstanding. That's what happens when you live in close quarters with a bunch of 18-22 year old girls, whether christian or not. I am a very black and white person. You are either my friend or not, either you agree with me or you don't, either you believe like me or you don't. Unfortunately, that was a very narrow minded way of thinking and I lost friends over the years for not being more open-minded. Again, my mouth also got me in trouble. I also became so desperate to be accepted that I often, allowed others to walk on me, or to tell me how I should think. I came to believe that friendship was based on these things. I was completely wrong. I started thinking "Why can't I just be myself? Why can't I find a friend I can trust?" I found that I was trying to hard to please my friends, make them happy, and that brought me to a place where I really wasn't being myself and I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't feel accepted it constantly brought me back to junior high and feeling left out and not liked. I learned so much from the time I was a young 13 year old to when I got married at 22.

Ministry brought a different perspective. Friendship was a delicate balance.  It became difficult to have close friends. It was like having two lives, one where I was ministering and speaking into people's lives and the other where I was myself. It got lonely. So many roles to fill and it was tough. By this time, college was over and all of the great friends I did make while I was there had gone on to marry and start ministries of their own. They were not around anymore. Friendship is easier when everyone is around and is close and you don't have to make plans.

It wasn't until Bill and I were alone in a strange city, doing a ministry we had never done before, that God brought me a friend. We were both new moms, both had intense husbands, and went to the same church. We started hanging out more because we were both in ministry and they were helping us to get adjusted to living in Albany. Little did I know that I had found a friend that would become a comfort and blessing. 

The best thing about what God did by bringing my friend into my life was that He taught me that I could be myself, be opinionated, and disagree with someone, and still have a close friendship. Bill and his best friend are the most opposite people you can imagine, but they have stuck with it for 20 years. I always admired that and desired that. Little did I know that God would bring a similar person into my life. Although we are not opposites, we are different and learning to see the differences as blessings has been amazing. She encourages me in ministry and the things I want to do, and gives advice when I ask. We are able to pray for one another and get our children together. Most of all, we just have a good time. We relate and we like to read and watch movies and hang out, all the things girl friends should do. 

Proverbs 27:17

 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

I am encouraged, because I know that God brings people into our lives to make us better and to enrich our lives. When I was going through it, God was there, and He sent someone to come along side and be my friend. He knows our needs even before we ask. Don't be afraid to make friends and to put your heart out there, you never know when God will bring exactly who you need.