The Doubter

Doubt. Its an extremely powerful thought pattern. It lead to fear and creates in us uncertainty. It puts us on a track of circular thinking that never gives us an answer. We can try to disprove it or try to calm it. Those thoughts just creep back in. Doubt causes a battle in us that makes it hard to believe in anything.

From a biblical perspective, I often wonder if Thomas was really a doubter because he didn't believe in God, or because he just didn't believe the people around Him. If it was the latter, then I certainly can relate. Based on the failures of people and the mistakes made in the church over centuries, its no wonder people doubt the reality of God. Through human error, and lack of understanding, humanity's doubtful view of an Almighty God is valid. Not only that, but Christian's (myself included) often allow those doubts to influence their faith.

Faith is not based on proof. Although there is enough evidence out there for the existence of God, Jesus, and His work throughout the world. Faith is stepping into an unknown place with all the hope within you because even though you can't see something...you KNOW it's there.

I know God is real. That is why when I screw up I feel terrible and when I don't change, its even worse. . The breath in my lungs is my hope that the next moment is another chance to change. Sometimes, I wonder if God is just going to throw in the towel and let me go, but He doesn't.

The reality is Thomas wasn't considered a doubter because he didn't believe his peers, or because he didn't believe in God, He was considered a doubter because he didn't believe in what he couldn't see or feel. Seeing is believing right? The only problem with that is, if everything I see around me is what I should believe in, then eek, what's the point.

I might not have all the answers. I might not know the details of how God created the world in 7 days, or why people die painful deaths, or how the Bible was written by so many people and yet still rings true. But I know this, that God is real. I see Him in the way He protects my children. I see Him in the love I share with my Husband. I see Him in my best friend who struggles with a terrible sickness but still refuses to give up on Her savior. I see Him in those who choose to stand for Him when no one else will. God is real and He shows it when we truly believe in Him. Doubting may seem easier. It may come easier but it leaves us empty and afraid. Giving our hearts and minds a chance to believe is what opens our spirits to the possibility that God is there.

Hebrews 11:1

 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, 

the evidence of things not seen.

When I Grow up I want to be just like Abigail

So, I want to start this post off by saying that the last couple weeks I have been on a slippery slope. I recently wrote a post about how becoming a housewife was not so bad. In it I expressed my struggles with being lazy and how I felt God has really helped me to overcome these issues. Well, the last couple weeks, I began to let myself go a little. Now just to give myself a little grace, it has been really busy. My husband went away for a weekend. Then we went away together for a retreat. We were faced with a major home repair, and it's been a little overwhelming. That being said, I started to revert a little backwards. Taking more time for myself then I needed and putting the important needs of my home on the back burner. The result of course was frustration. Looking around and saying "I'm back here again?" This time I was faced with a decision to drown in a pool of pity or to simply get back up and start again. I had to put my priorities in order and remember that God helped me before and He will help me again. I say that all to say that I stopped blogging for a few weeks because I was out of sorts and wasn't really focused on writing. Now I'm back and actually very excited to keep sharing life with you.

The title of this post is the real reason why I wanted to write tonight. So here goes. I don't really see myself as a super discerning, or wise person. I believe that with age and life experience I have learned a lot and have grown in leaps and bounds in the common sense department. (Common sense hasn't always been my strong suite). For the most part I struggle in these important areas.

I read recently something on Facebook that said something like "20 ways to know you are Mentally Tough." When I read that, I was encouraged that I was okay in certain categories but overall not mentally muscular. Now before you all go thinking I'm being hard on myself, please hear me out. This introspection is not to tear myself down but rather to recognize what I should pray for and what God wants me to become.

Recently, I have begun to pray specifically for something from God. I have asked Him to make me a wise person. I literally have thought about Solomon and how He asked God for wisdom above all. Wisdom may not come naturally for me, but in reality it doesn't come naturally for anyone, because it comes from God. The bible literally says that the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

Yesterday, as I was reading my devotions, I came across the story of Abigail. (1 Samuel 25) It tells the story of a woman who was so wise that she saved her family and had the foresight to avoid a major disaster. She was brave, she was humble, she was strong, and she was discerning. As I read her story I realized that this was who I wanted to be.

I am constant work of God. I want to be totally willing to change and be transformed. I don't want to stay the same or settle for a mediocre existence. I want to realize that I have potential and will always be clay in the hands of God. I don't want to harden myself. I don't want to buy the lie that I will always be this way. I want to be pliable and changeable. God wants us to be the best version of ourselves that we can be. Only He can help us realize that. I'm so encouraged that I'm a work in progress. That I will be wise, I will be discerning, and when I grow up I will be like Abigail.

Why so offended?.

Why does everyone get so offended? I've just been observing lately, how offended people get over things. They could be big issues like race, or religion, or politics. Sometimes they are little issues, like preferences, or attitudes, or small mistakes. This week, I was faced with this very thing. I had a situation at work and I got pretty frustrated, offended. I literally had to go to the bathroom in the middle of my shift,  pray, and breath. For the most part, I try to let things roll off. It is not worth holding on to worthless stuff. However, I'm certainly not above getting burned. Definitely not above getting angry.

The more and more I have thought about this, I realize that people hold on to offences like they hold onto good memories. Just as easy at it is to remember all the good times, they just as easily recall all the wrongs done to them. It makes people bitter, until all the good starts to get overshadowed by a constant need to find something wrong in everything.

It's horrible. In our culture, people think they have a right to be offended. A right to freak out when something bad happens to them. A right to blame something or someone. Constantly feeling slighted, or treated wrongly, until it becomes the norm. We stop seeing the good in people and just hold on to the possibility of getting hurt.

Being offended and holding on to unfairness is a trap. I want to offer freedom to anyone who will listen. I know that its hard to forgive when you get hurt. I know its not easy to let go when you feel wronged and your american sense of justice must find a solution. We can think of all the reasons why we are offended. We can find lots of ways to justify our feelings, but in the long run its just a sad waste of precious time. Time to be focusing on the good in life. Time to embrace the good in people.

Offense leads us down a path riddled with bitterness, pain, stress, and anxiety. It doesn't help us, it doesn't answer the need for justice, it doesn't make us feel better. It just makes us bitter. You know what they say about bitterness. Its like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get hurt.

Freedom begins when you release the need to hold on to all of the stuff that has bugged you or offended you. If you have to take a  long hard look inside so that you can let go then do it. I want to tell you all a quick story from the bible that is a perfect example. It can be found in Genesis 37-50.

Joseph was a young man that had everything going for him, he was most loved by his father and was extremely spoiled. This offended his older brothers and out of their offense they got rid of him by selling him into slavery. For years Joseph served in his master Potiphar's house until he was accused of immorality with the master's wife, which was a lie. He was thrown in prison. At this point, the list of reasons he should be offended was pretty long. He was betrayed, falsely accused, and wrongfully convicted. I'm sure during this time he was upset. The bible never talks about Joseph being a complainer or cashing it in because he was upset. Eventually he became an upstanding prisoner and in doing so had an opportunity to talk to the king. Through this exchange he was lifted out of an impossible situation and put in a prominent position of leadership. Years later, his brothers were in deep need, they came to Eygpt for help. Joseph was the very person that they were to come in contact with. Joseph knew them right away even though they did not recognize him. At that point, I'm sure the years of pain came rushing back and at first he treated them harshly. He had to deal with how he was wronged. What he did was amazing.  Eventually he revealed himself to them and was able to forgive them. This is what he  said in Genesis 45:8  “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God..." He was able to see past any offense and any difficulty in life to recognize that God was in control all a long.

That is an extremely short version of the story but here is my point. This man had every reason to be offended and mad and frustrated. Instead of holding on to that he kept going. He didn't waste his time. He did all that he could with what he had. As a slave he became a master in his owner's house. As a prisoner, he became a leader, the one who watched over them. All of these difficult experiences were opportunities for him to have a big chip on his shoulder. Somehow, by the grace of God, he didn't allow that to happen and it helped him to accomplish amazing things.

Being offended can simply hold you back. Keep you from being the best person you can be. Keeping you from truly loving and truly living. Let it go today. Please read the story of Joseph and allow it to put into perspective a life lived forgiving.