Something New

For the next couple weeks I'm going to try something new. I love God and I love the Bible. I love to observe my world. I love to apply the word of God to the reality of the world around me. So for the next several weeks I'm going to do a series. I am simply going to compare the fruits of the spirit to the fruits of the world. I encourage you to follow me and invite others to follow me as well. I want to do this study and show readers that there are pretty clear differences. 

What has brought this on is an observation of the clear choices people have to make on a daily basis in their lives. I have choices to make every moment. Choices to make in my attitudes, in my actions, and in my habits. I have the opportunity to make life altering choices every moment and I want to make the right ones. So today I'm going to leave you with the introduction to the passage we will be looking at.

16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh. 17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. Galatians 5:16,17

Stay tuned because next week we are discussing LOVE! That's the first one. I'm really excited about it. 

Hungry and Thirsty

Today, I was thinking about how it feels when I don't spend time reading the Bible or Praying. It gave me my idea for this weeks blog.

You see, there was a time in my life where I could go without reading the Bible and praying. GASP! I know, it seems kind of crazy to say. It started in Bible college where I was so immersed in Bible study, and chapel services that I found it easy to put personal time with God on the back burner. I got out of the habit and then struggled with it for years after. I was constantly praying and asking God to forgive me for not praying and not reading. It had become legalistic in my mind and I felt guilty about it a lot. I made up all kinds of excuses. I have no time. I'm to tired or to busy. At the end of the day, I would feel so guilty and have no desire to even try to spend time with God.

I began to feel really far away, really empty. I knew why, but I was afraid I was going to fail. I was afraid I was never going to get it right. I would say I was going to do it and be good for a couple weeks. Then my schedule would throw me off  and then I was back where I started. I was frustrated and feeling guilty.

Then something changed. I'll explain in a moment, but first I want to say that I just started really simple. I got an iphone. What does that have to do with a devotional and prayer life you ask? Well, I got a Bible app on my phone and it would remind me to read my Bible everyday. It was like an electronic accountability partner. My phone would beep at me and I would be reminded. I didn't do it everyday at first, but over time I began to feel it when I hadn't done it. I felt...hungry.

The emptiness that I had for the years that I had neglected to make time for the Lord was being filled. My malnourished soul was day by day being replenished. I was hearing from God, I was learning more about Him. All alone, I had formed opinions about God and what He thought of me based on partial knowledge, not the truth of His word. He was showing me who He really was and opening my eyes to see truth. The crazy part was, I had allowed myself to become anorexic in my relationship with God. When I started to read His word consistently and pray I did it in small amounts. Almost like a baby drinking milk. I was at the beginning again.

Today, my Bible app still helps me, but rarely do I go a day without spending time with God. The reason why is because I literally feel hungry and thirsty. I'll get to the end of my day and if I haven't read or prayed, I feel it. It comes down to this. It is about connecting with God himself. When I was young, I had deep meaningful experiences with God that solidified my hope and my faith in His truth. Those experiences were like a really expensive meal that I couldn't possibly pay for everyday. Example, when Bill and I were on our honeymoon, we had a 5 course meal at a very expensive restaurant. I mean like 100 dollars a plate, harp player in the background, Bill had to wear a suit jacket, and me an evening dress. It was no joke. There is no way we could have paid for a meal like that every day. It's the same with God, He gives us amazing once in a lifetime experiences with Him but that doesn't keep us connected. We have to eat everyday. We have to drink everyday.

There is no special formula and in truth, I started by taking 5 minutes a day. Now I can't go a day without thinking about it. I can't go a day without feeling my need for God. I can't go a day without praying. I used to think I could go a day without and maybe I could, but the key to my devotional life now is, I don't want to go a day without Him. I want to know Him more, know His word, and know His spirit is with me when I pray.

I challenge those who take time to read my blog, if there is anything you can do for yourself, for your walk with God it's take the time for Him. It doesn't matter where you start, it doesn't matter how you failed in the past, there is no right way. Its just a choice to get that app, pick up that Bible, or go to that Bible study. Your soul needs Him, you are hungry and thirsty. Feed your self!

John 4:13,14 Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst."

Matthew 5:6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness for they will be filled.

Psalm 34:8 Taste and see that the Lord is good, blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.

*If you don't know where to start on your spiritual diet I suggest reading plans on your Bible app. Often it's the 'Where do I begin' question that stumps us.

 

Testimony Turmoil

I was born into a Pastor's home. My parents loved me. They strived to show me who Jesus was and to teach me how to follow Him. I was 7 years old when I gave my heart to Jesus. That is when I really remember the change that God made in my life. Although, I may have excepted Him sooner, I remember being 7 and responding to an altar call when an evangelist visited our church. From that time on, although I was just a child, I was always hungry for God. My life was embroiled in all things church. I was literally there whenever the doors were open. I was in girls programs, choirs, and church plays. I loved it. I learned to play the piano very young and started lessons when I was 5 years old. I loved to sing and worship God. As I grew older, I had many experiences that solidified my faith and relationship with God. I went to a girls ministry retreat or a Powette (that's what they called it in the 80's) and there I was filled with the Holy Spirit. My heart was always open to God. I always wanted to do right. The fledgling teen years came upon me and my family made a pretty significant move. We were in a much smaller town and had gone from a more urban community to an upper class suburban town. The ministry there was hard. My parents went through a lot. Still, I wanted to serve God. My parents were very good at protecting us from the difficulties of what they were going through, while being very real with us at home. They were not one way in church and one way at home. They loved us in both environments and expected the same from us in both places. I will always be eternally grateful for this. It was in this loving environment, that my faith and love for Christ was born. I was able to see the goodness and love of God. It was much easier to accept Christ and the truth of the gospel in my home. It was in my own personal devotions, at a young age, that God spoke to me about going into ministry. However in my teen years, I fought it. I thought about doing other things and pursuing other career options. It was after a difficult church situation, that my parents left the ministry they were in and started attending another church. While there, the Church hired a youth pastor. It was under his ministry, that I was able to learn how to have a deeper relationship with Christ. The discipleship at this point in my life, helped me to make the ultimate decision to go to Bible College and pursue God's call on my life. God has been good to me. He protected me from a lot and He showed me His goodness at a very young age. It is because of this that I don't think I could ever turn away. There have been hi's and lows in my life. After Bible College and into marraige and ministry. I have faced many things. If it wasn't for the faith of my youth, I don't think I would be the person I am today or be able to live the life I have.

For years I have always looked down on my testimony. I think that often in the church a good testimony has been revered and praised. Look what God has done! Look how far they have come! Look what God saved them from! I have always felt inadequate.

Now many of you may say, why do you look down on your testimony. The simple answer is that I have always felt like it would be irrelevant to reaching people. I'm in the ministry, I'm supposed to relate to people and be able to be understanding, and yet I don't have a way to do that. Getting right down to it, my testimony is not common, its uncommon. Not many people have had what I had. I don't say this in a proud way, I just realize that many people have experienced so much more than I have whether by choice or not by choice.

Fast forward to today. A little over a week ago we took our students to our yearly convention. While there, I offered all of my insecurities to God. Simply saying, Lord I feel inadequate, like I don't have anything to offer. I instantaneously sensed the Lord saying to me, You need to love people like I would love them. There is a common thought today in the church that in order to reach people you have to have experienced what they have in order to understand them. This is a lie. A lie I listened to. I, just like everyone else who is a Christian, have been saved by the precious sacrifice of Jesus Christ. I have been shown the love of God and have experienced His deliverance. It happened differently for me then others. However, everyone has a story. What I have to offer is myself as a lover of God. Then in turn love others. That is what the Bible commands us to do. To Love Him and love others. He has given me the ability to show His amazing love to others. Wow! It is so awesome that I can do that. It is so awesome that I can share this precious gift. It doesn't matter where I came from it just matters what I have to give and that is His Love.  

I have been freed from the notion that I had to live a rough past in order to reach people. I can be myself and reach others. Today, if anyone who reads this needs prayer or needs encouragement, please know that I love you and am willing to pray for you. Lastly, my question for you is this. What is your God story? What has He brought you from and where is He taking you? Be Blessed today!

To be a Mom or not to be

Well, this week it has been difficult for me to settle on a subject to talk about. Then, as I reviewed the last couple weeks, I have been going through quite a struggle. I'm just going to get downright honest. Sometimes I don't like being a mom. Sometimes, the messy, loud, constant discipline part of parenting drives me crazy. At that point, I sit myself on the couch and wish I could put my fingers in my ears, close my eyes and block it all out. That is what I have been going through, to the point where I was just shutting down. Just plain worn out. My drive to do anything was gone, I just felt like hiding.

Yes, I know this sounds pretty selfish. It was. I had to accept, once again, this is my life. I have to live all of it. I have to live through the triumphs and the trenches. I had to take my fingers out of my ears, and open my eyes and look at my life as a whole.

My husband was the one who looked at me one night and pointed out my 'fingers in ears and eyes closed' mentality. He was like, "What is going on with you? It's like the moment the kids enter the house you automatically act annoyed and frustrated, before they have even done or said anything." I got mad at him. I didn't want to deal with my frustrated feelings of not wanting to be a parent. I wanted to revert back to childhood with no worries, no struggles, no hard stuff.

That night I did the only thing I had left to do, and frankly with very little faith. I prayed. I was very matter of fact. I needed help. I didn't like where I was right then and I didn't like what I was allowing myself to become. I asked once again, that God would change me. Change my attitude, change my heart, and help me to overcome the lazy, frustrated, attitude that I had allowed in.

This is what it came down to, I didn't want to deal with life. Bill said to me, "You have to decide if this is the life you want." That may sound harsh, but he wasn't giving me an ultimatum, he was challenging to me to look at my life as a whole, not just the stuff that was driving me crazy.

Life is full of ups and downs, learning and growing, winning and losing. Being a parent is a privilege and a great responsibility. I had to take inventory of myself. How much was I willing to give? It is an all or nothing undertaking.

A couple months ago, I responded to an article a woman wrote about how much she hated being a parent and although I was appalled, as many were, I see now where the emotions and feelings of her writing came from. Loving another person is a selfless act that takes part of who I am. Our culture would say, you shouldn't have to change, you should be able to do what you feel, and act the way you want. The reality is, we have a choice to give or to take. To love ourselves or to love those that God has given us. It is a daily choice. It may seem unromantic and undramatic, but that is simply life.

After praying for God to change my heart and my attitude, I was able to see clearly. He seems to be the only one who can remove the self inflicted scales from my eyes. I have been given a wonderful gift. Three amazing beautiful children that were somehow supposed to be mine to raise. They have been a part of God's plan to make me who He wants me to be. A choice to be a mother or not to be. I have heard it said that anyone can make a child but not everyone can be a parent. I definitely want to be the best parent I can be even if it means laying my life down to love them and train them to be who they are supposed to be. To surpass me in every way, in their relationship with Jesus, in there life decisions, and in their future legacies! What a high and holy calling! I think the choice becomes a lot easier when I think of it that way!

Well that was my honesty coming out. I hope that someone is encouraged today! God Bless!

Religion is a Carrot

I have been unemployed for a little over 3 months. Being on unemployment requires that I have to meet with a career counselor. This past week, was my second appointment, it was my first time meeting the guy who was assigned to me. He was a young man, who was really nice, really helpful, and frankly pretty cool. During the course of the conversation, he asked me what my dream job would be. I went on to tell him that my dream would be to be a Worship Pastor full time. He then went on to ask what denomination I belonged to. The conversation took an interesting turn, when he began to share with me his belief system. Mind you, I didn't ask for his opinion, it just seemed like he had the need to share all his thoughts about religion with me. I just thoughtfully listened. I've come to a point in my life where I would rather listen to why people believe what they believe, then write them off as wrong. All people believe something, and in order to point them towards Jesus, its important to know what path they are coming from.

He told me that he grew up catholic and he went to a catholic college. While there, all of his beliefs were put to the test. He pretty much lost his faith and the reason for his beliefs by the time he graduated. This is a common occurrence these days. He shared with me the basis of his belief. We have grown out of the need for religion and people should know how to be good without it. That we have evolved enough to know better. He likened religion to a carrot. Something man created so that they could coerce people into being good. Basically, "You'll go to heaven if you don't do this, this, and this." Man created the idea of Heaven to dangle in front of people to be good, like a carrot used to train a horse. I told him, that no one is good, and obviously that doesn't really work. He continued to go on saying that as far as we have come as humans we should be good.

I can see where the idea of going to heaven can be used as a reason to encourage people to do good. The reality is, Heaven may be the final destination, but it is the relationship we have with God, while alive that gets us there. Before Jesus even came to earth, there was an understanding of eternity. God gave people guidelines. Even before Israel even became a nation, there was a moral code that had been passed down through generations. There was a knowledge of a creator, and even a culture of sacrifice. Morality is deeply ingrained in the souls of humanity. To lack any sort of conscience, I would argue is to be inhuman.We are born with some sort of sense of right and wrong. As a parent I can tell you that children are more prone to do wrong then right. The picture of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on another, is very relevant. Even if it is just metaphor.

The Bible declares that no man is good. Paul in Romans put the whole need for the law argument down in several chapters. The purpose of the law being created was a way to show us how short we fall.  All the sacrificing and rituals mean nothing with out true knowledge of a savior. It has nothing to do with just going to heaven. Heaven would be easy if it we were just given a set of clear cut rules. The reality, Jesus is the real carrot. He's the one we need. He was dangled before us on a tree. He was offered to us as our way to heaven. We couldn't be good enough no matter what religion says. Only He is good. Accepting His sacrifice is the only way. Only He can make us better. The faulty thinking of my counselor, God bless him, is the idea that man can do this without Jesus. So in a way he was right. religion in terms of rites and rituals does not make people better.  Only Jesus can do that. In a previous blog, I stated that everyone has a choice to believe or not. People have the potential to be really good or really bad or both. The only way to be truly good and truly whole is to know Jesus. God gave us guidelines from the beginning of time. In fact, they proved to show how impossible it is for us to follow them without help. He created them so that the only possible way to achieve them would be to know Him. That carrot is there because God just loved us to darn much to leave us alone.  So yeah in a sense, Religion is a carrot, one that should show us our deep inevitable need for God.

Noah, honesty, and identity

This is going to be one of those posts that may seem kind of scattered. I'm going to try and bring it to a nice conclusion but I'm just going to start writing and see how it goes.

This week, the epic film Noah came out. I have to admit I paid attention to every Facebook post or article that came out about it. I checked out the critical reviews and read a bunch of friends thoughts on the movie. It made me want to see it. Like really bad. I still haven't. I think it is hilarious how people go from one extreme to the other to defend or discredit something like this. I love books and movies. I enjoy a great film. Especially a film based on a great book. (I'm kind of  a fan girl when it comes to Hunger Games). Even though I haven't seen Noah yet, I find it interesting that many of my fellow believers either loved it or hated it. Personally, I believe expectations on a Biblically accurate movie done on such a large scale should be extremely low. Hollywood tends to spin or corrupt anything close to Christian or Bible based. However, people's perspectives are so different and it has been interesting to listen or read about it. I think what it comes down to is, decide for yourself. Oh, and make sure that you read the Biblical account first. Then it will be like going to a movie that is based on a book. If it's way off then it's way off. You shouldn't have super high expectations. If it's pretty close then, Hooray! Maybe there is hope that Hollywood may have unbiased directors and producers (although I highly doubt the latter) .

Hey I'm just being honest. This has got to be one of my least favorite excuses as of late. Months ago, I had b written an entire blog about honesty. I was super intense about it but felt like I was coming on strong. I didn't publish it. So here goes the abbreviated version. This has become a huge pet peeve of mine. Honesty is important, it's essential for trust, for love, for friendship, for work environments. I'm all about honesty. People who know me know that I tend to be honest to a fault. I would rather be truthful the not. The pet peeve part of this comes in when people use honesty as an excuse. I'm a horrible person but at least I'm being honest about it. Soooooo you think that gets you off the hook? Because your being honest about it? That is so noble. So good of you to admit that. Now what? The problem with saying, At least I'm being honest, is that there is no intention to change whatever it is your being honest about. It's a big old cop out. Honesty is the best policy after all. However by saying that, individuals are lying to themselves. They are pulling the wool over their eyes. They are trying to cover themselves with a general excuse that doesn't really make them a better or a honest person. So, the point of this little rant? Stop trying to be so honest when honestly you have no intention to be better than you are. I'm not saying lie, I'm saying keep your mouth shut. I don't want to hear your honest assessment of yourself if your not going to try and change. That may have seemed harsh but honesty and true confession truly works with the intention to change, using it as an excuse is lame. I can be honest about my laziness, but I'm not going to try and make it all right by saying so. I'm going to strive to make myself better.

Identity.  This is the best part about my entire week. This weekend I had the opportunity to lead worship at a women's conference. It was great. I love music, I love singing to and about God, and I love helping other people do it.  While there, the speaker talked a lot about identity. Who am I? It is hard to take an honest look inside and face yourself. So often we are so many things. Different phases of life bring different roles. Sister, brother, friend, wife, husband, parent, coworker, student...who am I right now? Who am I supposed to be, how do I prioritize. The speaker talked about how a big move, forced her to look at her identity. Her husband's job changed and so they had to move which changed her job situation. It put her in a place where she was really evaluating her worth.  I was profoundly moved because I feel like I go through that all the time. I'm Bill Kenna's wife, I'm Gordon and Becky's daughter, I'm Caleb, Riley, and Carson's mother. I'm Jered and Joel's sister. All of those id's are great but to God, I'm just Erica. He knew me before I was born. He loved me when He knew all my flaws and all my failures, all my talents and triumphs. It is in Him that I find out who I really am, and who He always intended me to be. I have struggled with the idea that I'm not the most beautiful or smart or talented. In my insecurities, I have been quicker to look at the negative and not the positive and yet... this is who God made me. His plan was perfect for me, even in my imperfection. God doesn't see me through the expectations of my society. He doesn't see me through a religious expectation. He's sees His creation. He's sees how to perfect it. That's why, I have to go after Him. How am I ever going to become what I'm supposed to be without my creator. What a relief to know that I haven't arrived yet. That my identity is not set in stone, that I don't have to use the excuse "I'm just being honest." I will become so much more than I am right now. I will become the picture that God is meticulously painting right now.  When all is complete I'll be who I'm supposed to be. Who I am can be summed up when I've reached my home and can honestly look back and say, "God, that was what you saw all along?" What a joy to be living a journey. To be creating a story. To have the perfect author, to be myself.

Well, that's it. pretty much a week of thoughts and experiences summed up. Noah, what a guy, He obeyed and knew God. His identity may have been the guy who built a big boat and saved a bunch of animals. In the grand scheme of things, He obeyed God and was an instrument to foreshadow salvation and the power of God. Is that what your life might be used for? Honestly assess who you are and your identity. Strive, to become all that God wants for you, because like Noah, He may use you to transform the world.

Hated

When I was growing up, my mom used to correct us whenever we said we hated anything. She would lovingly say, "Erica, hate is a very strong word." I find that these days, hate is thrown around just as much as love is. I love you, I hate you. I love that, I hate that. They are important words that are used so frequently that we forget their actual meaning. Words are powerful and we are foolish to forget that. However, I'm not here to talk about words.

Recently, I have watched the world turn on people, calling those who don't hate, haters. I have read many an article about equality and love and acceptance. Except, usually those articles leave out one group of people. Those Christians, they hate everyone. I'm not going to defend Christians everywhere because I know that the Church and Christianity as a whole have made mistakes. They have not always promoted the love of Christ as they are called to. I find it frustrating when critics roll all Christians up into a stereotypical ball however and call them haters. Really?

Our church weekly gives free food to the poor by hosting our regional food bank. During thanksgiving, the people in our church sacrifice their own Thanksgiving's with their families to work all night prepping and making thanksgiving for the needy and elderly people in our community. Every year we host summer outreaches to tell people we love them and are there for them. Our pastor preaches love and acceptance every week from the pulpit, inviting people to open their hearts and minds to the possibility of a God who loves them. My husband has spent half of his life sharing the love of God with people. Not condemning or pointing fingers at them but simply sharing the truth that God loves them and wants them. 

Haters. 

We have seen people saved from lives of abuse and drugs and families restored just because they decided to believe in a guy named Jesus. The only place I have seen hate promoted is from a media who is bent on twisting the truth of what true Christianity really means.  

The promotion of hate against Christians has begun. Do I get it? At first, I can honestly say I didn't understand it. I have never tried to hate anyone. I have always tried to love and accept people because that is what Jesus did for me. Have I made mistakes, absolutely. Have I been ignorant, yes I have. However, the nature of faith in Jesus is not to stay the same but to love more, to learn more, to sacrifice more. My prayer lately has been, Lord, reveal to me any areas in my life where I have acted out of hate and not out of love. 

What this comes down to is, do I accept sin or not? The answer to this question is no. I can't. Jesus accepted sin when He allowed all of the sin of the world to be placed on Him through His death on the cross. He didn't condone it. Every time He healed someone, He declared, Go and sin no more. When He was confronted with the woman caught in adultery, He addressed hypocrisy but saying, You that are without sin, cast the first stone. They all walked away and then He looked at the woman and declared, Go and sin no more. I'm not here to point out people's sin, but I'm not going to accept it either. I can't accept my own sin why would I accept anyone else's. That is why I'm going to be hated.

The bible says in John 15:18,19;  If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

When I chose Jesus, I chose not to belong to the world anymore. Not to go with the flow or walk the broad road. Rather here I am, on the narrow road. Here I am holding on to Christ. Here I am embracing the truth that the world hates me. My acceptance and worth doesn't come from what the people around me think, but what God thinks. As infuriating as it is to watch Christians placed on a negative pedestal and "crucified" for what they believe in, this is normal. This is reality. This is what it means to be hated. I never thought I would see the day in my own country where this would be the case but now that its here, I have begun to understand. It has strengthened my resolve to do two things. To believe more confidently in Jesus Christ and to love people more. I am done fighting with people. Done trying to prove anything. I'm done getting up in arms. If Jesus said I would be hated, then the idea that everyone is going to accept me is a boldface lie. So I'd rather be hated and in love with Jesus, then loved and lost. 

Matthew 5:10 God blesses those who are persecuted for doing right,

    for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs