Women's Rights

This week, in covering my USA category for the blog, I thought I would discuss my feelings on Women's Rights. I like to listen to a lot of political radio, read articles, and research the events that are occurring in our country and the implications it has for people. I get very passionate because I really believe in America and all that it stands for. I'm very proud of my country and very patriotic.

After that introduction, I just want to discuss something that really gets under my skin. Women's rights in our current culture has become extremely distorted. Now, I am deeply pro life, however I want to point something out, when Roe vs Wade made abortion legal in our country decades ago, the law didn't say "Women can now do whatever they want and we the federal government must pay for it". So my frustration comes with lawmakers who make free birth control, free abortion, free services a women's rights issue. ITS NOT! 

Women's rights, as I have come to understand it over the years is about being able to take responsibility, to work, to vote, to go to college, or to have a family. It means we have equal opportunity in the work place, to go after our full potential. In reality the purpose of Women's Rights has missed the mark in our day and age.

Hollywood makes it all about sexual freedom, being with who ever you want, politicians make it about providing free stuff in order to get a vote. Our "rights" have become deluded and misrepresented. Lower expectations have been placed on us. Its no longer okay to be a virgin, if you are you don't have experience. All of these messed up views of women's rights have caused confusion in us. Who are we supposed to be? Will I ever be good enough? Am I really ready to have a baby right now? Should I be a mom or work? Can I have both?

Women's rights in our country started as a noble thing, it started with being able to vote. It started with opening opportunities for women to discover their full potential. How then has it become all about sex? How has it become all about being able to get abortions for free? How has it become all about birth control pills and forcing others to pay for them? It boggles my mind that our culture can take something like women's rights which originally was about empowering women and raising them up and degrade it to be all about "sexual freedom."

Proverbs 31 is the ultimate picture of the well rounded woman who has balance in all she does. Its the ultimate Biblical view of Woman's Rights. Of an entrepreneur, a mother, a wife, a talented woman, an attractive woman, a creative inventor, a caretaker, a speaker. Its all that we can be. Our country, politicians, Hollywood has reduced the value of a woman, they have created a distorted view of God's original plan. I am constantly trying to find the balance of being a wife, mom, a worker, a minister, cook, cleaner, and the list goes on. Striving to be all that I can be which is far beyond what I can even imagine. I refuse to be defined by a culture that has devalued my sex and has made it into something far below God's original plan.

I sincerely hope that if you are reading this today you will realize that you were made to be so much more then what this world tells you. Don't allow this degraded and distorted culture define who you are.
³⁰ 

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;

    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

³¹ 

Honor her for all that her hands have done,

    and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Proverbs 31:30,31

Discipline is all about love.

Let me start by saying that I don't really see myself as a great mom, more often then not I feel like a failure. My kids act up and I feel (emphasize the word FEEL)  like its the end of the world. The expectations I have placed on myself as a parent are extremely unforgiving, and I am often worried more about how others see me. All of these thoughts and ideas are of course wrong. . 

This week I had been praying that God would help me. I had come to Him and basically said, I can't do this without Your help. On wednesday, My son Caleb came home from school extremely busy and wound up which can make for some interest conflicts. I made dinner and everyone was doing fine. Then I called for them to come eat and the antics began. "I don't like this" and "I don't want vegetables" and "I'm not going to eat this." So I began my normal course of action, threatening to take away snacks, timeouts, etc. Needless to say nothing was working. I got to a boiling point, neither son was touching the dinner and I had had it. I got so angry that, after putting Caleb on timeout, I looked at him and said "Don't talk to me, I'm to angry."  Then the God questioning started. "Why aren't you helping me?" "I told you I can't do this and now look." I was out of patience and out of love.

By that time, I had to get everyone ready for church. I got everyone bundled and in the car and headed over. After dropping everyone off in the nursery and in classes, I went up to the youth sanctuary and was suddenly aware that it was time to put my game face on. I had to let go of what happened at home, let go of my frustration, let go of feeling like God wasn't helping me and focus on ministering to the teens. 

The service was one of the best ones we had ever had. My husband spoke on compassion. At times, as he was speaking, I wondered if this message was just for me. I realized during the worship and the message, that God was available always even if I was at the end of my rope. I felt as if, He filled my empty tank up. That all the patience and love that was gone, He restored. I asked God to forgive me for my anger and once again help me. I realized that when it comes to parenting, its not enough to just ask God for help and then leave it there, its about going to Him as the source. Asking Him to help and then doing it my own way just wasn't going to work anymore. 

 That night when I got home, I revoked all my threats and did not punish my children, instead I apologized for how angry I had been and allowed them to have the snack that I had threatened to take away. It was in that act of mercy that I felt peace. The Lord brought me back to the scripture I had read that morning.

 Proverbs 13:24 

Whoever spares the rod hates their children,

    but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them. 

 He had answered my prayer. He showed me, that it is out of love that I must raise and discipline my kids not out of my own expectations or view of myself.  So my prayer changed. God I need your help to love my children enough to discipline them carefully, not just to punish them when they do wrong. It takes the anger and the frustration right out of it. God is the same with me, He disciplines me and corrects me because He loves me. That has to be my motivation with my kids. I challenge those who read this to recognize that our motivation in all we do must be love. It changed my perspective and I pray that it will also change yours.

Be blessed today! 

From Now On...

So I have been pretty random with my blog up until now. I really want to be able to put more thought into it and share more. So on a weekly basis I'm going to share based on my title for the blog. So this week would be ministry, next week motherhood, and lastly the USA. Then I will start the rotation again. We will see how it goes.

Being in the Ministry is one of the most interesting professions to have. Unlike other professions, ministry requires a life. A life dedicated to honoring God in everything I do. Honoring Him with my kids and raising them. Honoring Him in my marriage, by loving, helping, and honoring my husband. Honoring Him by doing the very best I can in my workplace and being a woman of integrity. Honoring Him when I lead the congregation in worship and being sensitive to God's leading in those moments.  Honoring Him when I pray for a lonely teen at an altar, or spending time with students that desperately need to know God and know He loves them.

I love my life, the Bible is so clear that we shouldn't love our lives else we lose them. But it is not that kind of love. I am extremely grateful for the call of God and for all that He has given me because of it. Many people look at ministers and may see people wasting their potential or giving up worldly things and fame. The reality is that dedicating a life to God is the most fulfilling life one could have. Whether gifted to play a sport, or debate in a courtroom, or operate in an ER, or teach in a classroom. When we give our lives to Jesus Christ, we are blessed.

This doesn't mean life is a bed of roses and I could tell you that from personal experience. There is nothing like being right where God wants you. Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all else will be added is certainly true. When we dedicate our lives to knowing God,  He adds what we need and what we desire. He makes all things beautiful. Ministry is a great profession and one that requires everything I have. I would venture to say that every profession when it is done unto the Lord is ministry. Whatever it is God has gifted you with, know that He has given it to you and has a great plan for you if you seek Him.

Be blessed as you seek Him today.

Happy Valentines Day!

So typically, my husband and I don't really celebrate valentines day to the fullest (Dinner, candles, flowers, roses, hand held walks on the beach, romantic getaways etc). For the most part, one or the other forgets, there are last minute clearance chocolates involved, or a whipped up cake.  You see there are a 5 February birthday's right before including a brother, a niece, Bill's father, Bill's and mine. So valentines day is sort of like a last thought. So this year this is kind of how the story went. 

Wednesday afternoon, I'm sitting on the couch catching up on Facebook and completely distracted when  Bill comes in the door from work. No real surprise there. He heads to the dining room with three boys wanting his attention. Caleb and Riley ask what he's doing.A few minutes later Riley comes up to me and starts talking to me. Now bear with me everyone, sometimes I tune my kids out and I don't even realize it. So when I finally realize he's talking to me I hear the tail end of his sentence.

 "...surprise."

 I looked at him.  

"What?"

 "Mmmmm, Chocolate." He replies. 

From the dining room I hear, "Shut up Ry."

 I chuckle.

 My husbands walks in with that annoyed look he gets in his eye when his plans have been foiled (which isn't very often). He gives me a beautiful card and a big box of chocolates. Both of my sons start jumping on me.

"Open the chocolate mom. Its your valentine." My thoughtful loving husband was foiled by my sons, it was so funny.

Wait, it gets better. So fast forward to Valentine's Day. I'm in the supermarket, and I head for the valentine's cards. I look at a few and then see this bright purple, velvet monstrousity. I think. Hmm, lets check it out. So I open it up and read it and I love it. It says everything I want to say to Bill. Its all about how strong and wonderful and great he is. So I think, Well I know this is ugly, but I love the message. I'm kind of amazed that the card doesn't say Happy Valentines Day on it, but I figure I can write that in. So I take it home, write a quick message in it and sign it. I'm super excited, I haven't found a card this good in years. So Bill comes home from work and I give him the card. The look on his face when he opens the card is priceless. What the heck is this? He jokingly strokes the velvet cover. He opens the card and starts to read the message, then starts thumbing through the card.

 "Uh, Erica did you know there were two more pages to this card." 

I looked at it and was like.

"What?"

 So, there we were reading the last two pages of the card, which I didn't know were there and at the end was the phrase Happy Valentines Day. I looked at my husband who at this point was laughing hysterically and say "I was wondering where the Happy Valentines Day was." 

He laughed harder. It was a definite blonde moment. 

I love my life, I love my sons, and I love my husband. I love that we can laugh and that we can celebrate the love we share even in the most unexpected ways. Life is not perfect, and plans don't always work out just right, but sometimes its in those moments that we find the most joy, and funny stories to. Have a great weekend!

God's gift of friendship

I am very excited about today's post. Friendship has always been something that has been important to me. It has its ups and downs. It also has brought me many lessons. When you find true friendships that last, you find support, comfort, and companionship. I'm thankful to God who ultimately knows our needs and knows how to make us better people and He does that through friendships.

Proverbs 18:2

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Let me start this whole discussion by saying that when it comes to friends, I have always gotten along much better with guys. I grew up with two brothers and although I was the oldest, I enjoyed playing with legos, and cars and transformers. (I made my brothers play barbies with me, I'm sorry Jered and Joel). I liked sports, and getting dirty and having a fort and running around in the woods. When I was younger from about 6 years old to 12 my family went to a large church and I actually had a lot of girl friends, and when your younger its easier to have girls friends. As soon as my preteen, teen years happened however, stuff changed for me. First off, my family moved out of state. We started going to a much smaller church and a new school. I was 12. At that point you are either cool or your not. I fell into the "not" category and middle school was very difficult. Making friends with other girls was extremely difficult because I was definitely not cool (in middle school terms). I didn't dress like everyone else, I didn't really act like other girls, and I was not really interested in the same kinds of things everyone else was. Dresses and makeup and boys etc. I just wasn't quite there yet. I also kind of just say stuff. Most people who know me, know that first off I'm a weirdo and second I just say stuff without thinking. At that point in time, like every teenager, I wasn't really comfortable with who I was yet. So as time went on, I did make friends, but I did find that I was much more comfortable with guys. They didn't get upset when I said stupid stuff, or acted weird, and I like sports so it was at times easier to talk to them. I always wanted to have friends that were girls, I had a desire to be girly, and feminine, I just didn't know how to relate in that way.

Fast forward to the college years. So college brought different challenges, I made fast friends there. Bible college is a great place to make friends, however there was, believe it or not a lot of gossip, a lot of backstabbing and a lot of misunderstanding. That's what happens when you live in close quarters with a bunch of 18-22 year old girls, whether christian or not. I am a very black and white person. You are either my friend or not, either you agree with me or you don't, either you believe like me or you don't. Unfortunately, that was a very narrow minded way of thinking and I lost friends over the years for not being more open-minded. Again, my mouth also got me in trouble. I also became so desperate to be accepted that I often, allowed others to walk on me, or to tell me how I should think. I came to believe that friendship was based on these things. I was completely wrong. I started thinking "Why can't I just be myself? Why can't I find a friend I can trust?" I found that I was trying to hard to please my friends, make them happy, and that brought me to a place where I really wasn't being myself and I wasn't happy with myself. I didn't feel accepted it constantly brought me back to junior high and feeling left out and not liked. I learned so much from the time I was a young 13 year old to when I got married at 22.

Ministry brought a different perspective. Friendship was a delicate balance.  It became difficult to have close friends. It was like having two lives, one where I was ministering and speaking into people's lives and the other where I was myself. It got lonely. So many roles to fill and it was tough. By this time, college was over and all of the great friends I did make while I was there had gone on to marry and start ministries of their own. They were not around anymore. Friendship is easier when everyone is around and is close and you don't have to make plans.

It wasn't until Bill and I were alone in a strange city, doing a ministry we had never done before, that God brought me a friend. We were both new moms, both had intense husbands, and went to the same church. We started hanging out more because we were both in ministry and they were helping us to get adjusted to living in Albany. Little did I know that I had found a friend that would become a comfort and blessing. 

The best thing about what God did by bringing my friend into my life was that He taught me that I could be myself, be opinionated, and disagree with someone, and still have a close friendship. Bill and his best friend are the most opposite people you can imagine, but they have stuck with it for 20 years. I always admired that and desired that. Little did I know that God would bring a similar person into my life. Although we are not opposites, we are different and learning to see the differences as blessings has been amazing. She encourages me in ministry and the things I want to do, and gives advice when I ask. We are able to pray for one another and get our children together. Most of all, we just have a good time. We relate and we like to read and watch movies and hang out, all the things girl friends should do. 

Proverbs 27:17

 As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

I am encouraged, because I know that God brings people into our lives to make us better and to enrich our lives. When I was going through it, God was there, and He sent someone to come along side and be my friend. He knows our needs even before we ask. Don't be afraid to make friends and to put your heart out there, you never know when God will bring exactly who you need.

Family Heritage: Part 2

So the last time I blogged was almost a month ago. I shared my heart about my upbringing and how it shaped my life and my faith. As promised I am going to talk about my husband a little and his background and the amazing power of God's grace in his life. 

At the end of my last post, I talked about how no matter what my upbringing was, I still needed Jesus just like everyone else. I still needed grace and I was still a very needy person, even if I grew up in a happy, healthy, christian environment. Bill's story is much different.

My son's often asked me, why does dad have two dads? It is difficult to tell a 6 and 4 year old that Bill's mother and father were divorced when he was very young. Cathy (Bill's mom) was a very devout Irish Catholic and so she went to the priest about her marriage and all that had happened. The priest informed her that Bill would be considered illegitimate because of the divorce even though there was infidelity involved. She was furious and at that point decided to leave the church. Now understand for those of the Catholic faith, leaving the church is considered leaving God. So Cathy was a single mom whose faith had been severely shaken. It was in the midst of all of this that Cathy became friends with Wayne Cleveland and the eventually began dating, they also became involved in a Bible Study of a man who was planting a church in their town. Through all of this both of them became saved. As time went on the Church grew and Cathy and Wayne were married. Bill was still a very little boy during this time. 

Now in a sense, Bill grew up in the church as well. His parents were pillars in their church, they were there every time the doors were open, at prayer meetings, service, Sunday school, and Bill was with them. However, Bill was wounded. The divorce had caused much pain in him as a young boy. He didn't understand why his parents did not love each other anymore and he buried his pain so that he would be tough. So that no one would be able to hurt him like that again. Through his time growing up he did experience God in different ways, however he held on to his anger and his hurt. Into his teens he became very introverted and hopeless. The pain of his life was caving in on him, and he became suicidal. 

I love his conversion experience and the way he describes it. He was in church one night and as always he was sitting in the closest seat to the door. He describes the experience so vividly. He heard the Lord speak to him and basically say tonight is your night you either choose me or go your own way which is the way of weeping and gnashing of teeth. That night God gave Bill an ultimatum and that night He took step towards God, he walked up the center isle of his little country church and God literally knocked him out. When he got up, he wasn't the same person. The pain of his circumstances, the hate he had, the sin he had lived  was washed away.

I love Bill's testimony, not because of the pain he faced or the fact that he has "a cool testimony" because it honestly isn't cool. I love it because I see how God had a plan all along. From the moment that Cathy was told by the priest that her son would be a bastard, God had a plan. All of these difficult painful circumstances pointed Cathy toward God. It brought her to a place of salvation. She had to learn to depend on God and pray. She brought Bill to church and planted seeds of grace in his life. So he had a Godly heritage, different perhaps then mine, but amazing. The reality is that God wants all of us, through our circumstances and our lives and our families God has a plan. So as you look at your lives, your family heritage, recognize that God's hand is in all of it. You will see that no matter how difficult our lives are or how much pain we face, God is there. 

Family heritage part 1

So, I have been mulling over what I'm going to bring to the blog about family. I had an entire three paragraphs written and then second guessed it and erased it. However, family has been on my mind and so as a testimony to God's grace and faithfulness, I want to share about my upbringing in this first part. I will share about my husband's in the next blog. 

The holiday get together's brought all of these ideas to mind. We see family more and reconnect. We are also able to appreciate our backgrounds and all that it means for who we have become. I have just observed the many aspects of my childhood that have made me who I am today. 

I have been called a Pentecostal princess, which makes me laugh out loud, I'm like church royalty. Both of my grandfathers were preachers and my parents also went into the ministry. My grandmothers, aunts and uncles, cousins, all for the most part grew up in the church. Even when I went to Bible school, all the teachers knew who I was because of my heritage and my grandparents. Growing up in a Christian home was amazing. I grew up learning about the love of God, and was fortunate to have parents who truly loved Him. My parents were very real with us. They didn't act one way when we were at church and one way at home. These expectations made for an environment that helped me to be myself. 

Now just to be clear, not all parents or upbringings are perfect. There were pros and cons to how I was brought up. The pros were the open relationship with my parents, and their unconditional love for us. The great relationships I developed with my brothers. Being brought up in a morally secure environment that taught me how to live healthy and wisely. Unfortunately, there are certain things that cannot be taught, they must be learned (especially since I'm pretty stubborn and hardheaded). Growing up in a strict christian environment and my desire to do what was right often shielded me from the reality that I wasn't a good person. We all have a tendency to do what we want, be rebellious, and test the waters. I wasn't really that kid. I wanted to please my parents, I wanted to please God, and I wanted to be right all the time. These aspects of my personality are not bad things, but I developed a sense that I was a good person and better than others.

 As I got older, moved out of the house and went onto to have my own life, career, and family,  I carried these views of myself  with  me. It wasn't until about 5 years ago, when things started getting tough in the everyday of life, that the "real" me came out. I mean the part of me that was no longer shielded by a christian upbringing, the part of me that wanted to rebel, wanted to test the waters. These thoughts and ideas shocked me. I wasn't supposed to think this way, or want to rebel. I was supposed to be a good person. It took me a long time to finally realize that yes I had a great testimony. I had an awesome upbringing, but I needed Jesus just like everyone else.I pretty much would be a wretched mess without Him. I recently mentioned during a worship service at church that I was lost and I didn't even know it. All of a sudden I understood the grace of God, and honestly I'm still learning. Years of thinking highly of yourself is not easily undone, but humility is one of God's greatest tools. 

My family is amazing. My parents are Godly people who have followed Jesus and taught me how. I wouldn't take back my childhood for the world. When the bible says to train up a child in the way they should go, I am a testament to that. I have struggled with my relationship with God. I have had moments of serious doubt and frustration. However, I don't see how I could ever walk away from Him. I have seen to much. I have experienced to much. Don't get me wrong, everyone can walk away. I would even venture to say that at times I have without even realizing it. At times I have been blinded by a religious bubble that keeps me thinking I'm okay. No one can teach you how to have a relationship with God, that is something that you must come to on your own. If there is anything that I have learned from my family life it is this, no matter what my parents did or taught me, my relationship with God is on me. I have to know Him myself. The faith of my mother and father alone cannot save me, the prayers of my Godly grandparents couldn't save me, it is only the grace of God and His love that could do that. It was by His grace that I was born to my parents, and it is by His grace that I can write about my experience. I am excited to share a little about Bill's upbringing next to show some contrast so stay tuned. All in all Jeremiah 29:11 comes to mind...He knows the plans he has for us...God bless and good night.