Let me start by saying that I don't really see myself as a great mom, more often then not I feel like a failure. My kids act up and I feel (emphasize the word FEEL) like its the end of the world. The expectations I have placed on myself as a parent are extremely unforgiving, and I am often worried more about how others see me. All of these thoughts and ideas are of course wrong. .
This week I had been praying that God would help me. I had come to Him and basically said, I can't do this without Your help. On wednesday, My son Caleb came home from school extremely busy and wound up which can make for some interest conflicts. I made dinner and everyone was doing fine. Then I called for them to come eat and the antics began. "I don't like this" and "I don't want vegetables" and "I'm not going to eat this." So I began my normal course of action, threatening to take away snacks, timeouts, etc. Needless to say nothing was working. I got to a boiling point, neither son was touching the dinner and I had had it. I got so angry that, after putting Caleb on timeout, I looked at him and said "Don't talk to me, I'm to angry." Then the God questioning started. "Why aren't you helping me?" "I told you I can't do this and now look." I was out of patience and out of love.
By that time, I had to get everyone ready for church. I got everyone bundled and in the car and headed over. After dropping everyone off in the nursery and in classes, I went up to the youth sanctuary and was suddenly aware that it was time to put my game face on. I had to let go of what happened at home, let go of my frustration, let go of feeling like God wasn't helping me and focus on ministering to the teens.
The service was one of the best ones we had ever had. My husband spoke on compassion. At times, as he was speaking, I wondered if this message was just for me. I realized during the worship and the message, that God was available always even if I was at the end of my rope. I felt as if, He filled my empty tank up. That all the patience and love that was gone, He restored. I asked God to forgive me for my anger and once again help me. I realized that when it comes to parenting, its not enough to just ask God for help and then leave it there, its about going to Him as the source. Asking Him to help and then doing it my own way just wasn't going to work anymore.
That night when I got home, I revoked all my threats and did not punish my children, instead I apologized for how angry I had been and allowed them to have the snack that I had threatened to take away. It was in that act of mercy that I felt peace. The Lord brought me back to the scripture I had read that morning.
Proverbs 13:24
Whoever spares the rod hates their children,
but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.
He had answered my prayer. He showed me, that it is out of love that I must raise and discipline my kids not out of my own expectations or view of myself. So my prayer changed. God I need your help to love my children enough to discipline them carefully, not just to punish them when they do wrong. It takes the anger and the frustration right out of it. God is the same with me, He disciplines me and corrects me because He loves me. That has to be my motivation with my kids. I challenge those who read this to recognize that our motivation in all we do must be love. It changed my perspective and I pray that it will also change yours.
Be blessed today!
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